Do You Know What Avant Garde Means?

iewpflsdMerriam Websters dictionary defines “avant garde” as: a group of people who develop new and often very surprising ideas in art, literature, etc. A la Rei Kawakubo of Commes des Garcon. 

Now after that definition, think of the Met Gala red carpet last night. Yeah. Shiny, backless dresses don’t constitute as avant garde, people, but nice try. Nor does having your bits and pieces out for everyone to see, Kendall Jenner… yeah… I’m looking at you. 

The Met Gala is my “big game” of the season. I live for it. But unfortunately this year fell flat. Until Rhianna showed up and picked up the pieces of my broken heart by defining and schooling people in avant garde. Thank Jesus. 

What I wouldn’t give to be invited to an avant garde event. You can really go balls to the wall with your outfit without a care in the world. Hell, I was half tempted to rock a bird cage on my head to work today just to make a statement about how boring the fashion was at the Met Gala … but alas, my bird cage was too heavy. 

So when you are presented with an invitation honoring a tastemaker in the avant garde world, why the fuck would you show up in a curve hugging, boring, ball gown? Do tell, stylists… I’ll wait. 

Ahh well. What can you do. Although it made it crazy easy to pick out my winners for best dressed. Because obviously everyone in Philly is waiting patiently for my picks (am I right)

Well here it is, my avant garde winners of the night. AKA people who didn’t bore me to death and took a fucking risk. Enjoy. 

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AND THE QUEEN…

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Are Fast Fashion Gowns The New Big Game Ad?

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Photo credit: https://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Ciara-Dress-Met-Gala-2016-41160079#photo-41160079

When I saw someone post on Twitter that the gorgeous dress Ciara rocked to the Met Gala was made by H&M, my first thought was, “that’s a stupid typo. Man, they must feel like an idiot.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some H&M. I still get a kick out of people complimenting me on my statement necklaces and then rocking their world by telling them it was from H&M and only cost $30. Yeah. $30. 

But when I think of H&M, I think Cochella, acid washed short shorts, basics in every shape and form, Micky Mouse crop tops, and where fringe goes to die. Not Met Gala glam. Not even close. I don’t even think I could find a dress to wear to a wedding that wouldn’t expose all of my jiggly bits there, to be quite honest. 

H&M ended up outfitting Ciara, Hailee Steinfeld (she’s a person, right?), Jennifer Hudson, and others for the Met Gala, AND styled SJP last year! I mean where have I been?! 

It makes you wonder why a super star with endless amounts of connections and resources would choose to wear H&M to the Met Gala, especially when they most likely have Gucci, Chanel, Zac Posen, and every other haute couture designer at their fingertips. Why rock a brand that styles every average shmoo with stylish looks for under $50?

The Met Gala is known as the “Super Bowl of fashion.” So why don’t more “fast fashion” retailers style celebs? It’s a walking advertisement. It’s that million dollar 30 second ad during the Super Bowl (I feel like I can’t say Super Bowl, but I’m doing it. Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl), except walking down a red carpet for much less money, and even more exposure. Kind of genius, when you think about it. 

Annoying As Balls E! News reporter: Kate! Kate! Who are you wearing?!?!

Me: Well, I’m wearing Zara for Zara off Zara tonight :::flips hair … falls flat on face walking up the stairs mid-hair flip:::

And also, umm H&M, I want that dress. I want all of those dresses. I get it, I doubt the dress is being made the same way the Micky Mouse crop top is, but that doesn’t deter me from wanting it. Ciara’s dress made me literally drool. It’s gorgeous. GIMME!

Unfortunately black tie, or bridesmaids dresses, or even wedding gowns has this stigma of only being purchased in stuffy bridal boutiques, or expensive department stores. But to have the luxury of looking as put together and chic as Ciara did in H&M for a quarter of the price? Umm … sign me the fuck up. “Oh shit, I just randomly got invited to this Black Tie event, what do I do?! Ahhh life!” You could just bop on over to H&M and call it a day. 

Look we women want ease and we want to look fantastic doing it. We want to look like we spent 8 hours getting ready for an event but in reality barely spent an hour because God dammit we only have a fucking hour. So if fast fashion retailers want to start making Met Gala-level gowns, I wouldn’t turn my nose up to shit like that. Nor should you.