Drool With Me Now: Fall Fashion 2014

image1xxlOkay, I know we have a few more days until Labor Day, and I promised after bitching about the Polar Vortex last winter that I would do nothing but embrace every drop of sunshine and twirl in myriads of maxi skirts … but, yeah … I just made my first fall purchase. I couldn’t help it because I’m THAT ecstatic over summer getting the eff out of town. And yes, I truly intend to make out with said bag when he arrives at my doorstep, that is how much I adore him.

I’ve just had enough of sticky subways, makeup dripping down my face, and having to apply deodorant like three times a day, it’s unbecoming. And I want to punt my summer wardrobe. Listen, I’m not the girl who makes “mood boards” or “inspiration boards,” I have Pinterest for that shit. But the drool coming out of my mouth over fall fashion is excessive, to say the least. So I just had to share with you what I’ve been daydreaming about, right? Clearly.

1. Leather: Leather shoes, leather motorcycle jackets, leather shorts, leather underwear, leather all day err day (calm down, PETA, it will be faux or “hemp” leather … whatever is the politically correct way to rock leather)

11P10FBLK_normal2. New Over-The-Knee Boots: Oh yeah, they are still completely relevant and nothing brings me more joy than walking down the street in hooker boots “Pretty Woman” styley.


3. Capes: Ya gotta bring the drama every now and then, and quite frankly I’ve been lusting after them since Lupita dropped the Cape bomb at the Golden Globes last year.

Capture4. Fuuurrrrr: I already own a faux fur jacket … and that clearly was my gateway drug to more fur, because now all I want to do is add to my collection. And quite frankly the fur they showed during fashion week is on POINT (seriously PETA, settle, I couldn’t bare to skin my cat and wear her, so this, again, will be eco-friendly fur … chill)

30C01GBLK_normal5. Removing Color Completely: Not that I wear a lot of color to begin with, but I’m really going to make a conscious effort to only wear neutrals. Black, white, beige, maybe a camel. Then if I’m in dire need of color (yawn), I’ll throw in something like a merlot-colored tote bag or something.

2014-Black-White-Outfit-Combination-Ideas-136. Bucket Bag: I’ve been on the fence about these bad boys, as I couldn’t decide if this was a bad 80′s trend revamped or a classic staple. I’m still not quite sure, but anything stylish that I can carry my entire life in is something I want to take a spin in.

23015591_927. Chelsea Ankle Boots: Swoon. The boot game this season is fierce, and where to begin can seem overwhelming. Welp kids, you start here, with the classic Chelsea boot in black. God speed after that.

Capture8. Extreme turtlenecks: If the Farmers Almanack is right, this winter is going to be freaking cold. True … turtlenecks have been connected with prudes and squares in the past, but the dramatic thick turtle necks that I literally could hide in and hibernate is something I can get behind.


9. Novelty Prints: I gave up ironic t-shirts years ago, even though I did own the typical “Everyone Loves an Irish Girl,” shirt. Yes, I’m sick of seeing the overly ironic “Celfie” shirts, but I kind of like what some designers are bringing to the table … especially under an over-sized mens blazer. Mmm scrumtilescent.


10. Textures: I’m very basic when it comes to fabric … I’m mostly a cotton gal. That “Fabric of our Lives” commercial should totally check out my closet, although I refuse to sing. But this season I want to dip my feet in the season of velvet, silk, satin, lace, and everything in between … hell, throw felt up in this piece.

My Closet Issues


Photo credit: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/497929302522278185/

I’m the type of gal who likes everything in one place. I don’t understand the people that have a shoe closet and a coat closet and a sweater closet and a closet for God knows what else. I likes it all where I can sees it. That is until I moved to a place that was clearly built before women were plagued with shopping addictions. One dress. One petticoat. One corset. Literally my “closet” is a hole. A small, dark hole that can’t come close to holding what I need. Hence why I adopted a garment rack, which has become my best friend. I feel like Kim Kardashian or some shit … minus all the designer clothes, and the big ass. But I digress.

Going back to how I like everything in one place, I was never a person who put all my winter gear in a Tupperware box in the basement and switched it out for my summer gear. My theory is clothing doesn’t belong in Tupperware boxes or in “space saving bags” in a basement. How sad, right? My clothing is like my children. Would I put my children in the basement when the weather changed. Umm no … I’m not a psychopath. And wonder if in the middle of winter we get a heat wave and I need a cool t-shirt or something? Nope. Can’t have it. It’s in the Tupperware box never to return again until Memorial Day :::shakes fist:::. Whomp whomp. Screw that.

Unfortunately, due to my clothing addiction, I’m running out of space. Even on my Kim K garment rack. And since I thoroughly don’t believe in Tupperware (with my clothing or with food … it’s skeevy and weird), I’ve resorted to turning my dark hole closet into my “winter gear” storage (I had to give it a nice home), and then kept my spring/summer/things that are typically for warmer weather but I might be able to make them work in the warmer months on the garment rack. Yet … I still find myself having a space issue (I told you, I have a really bad clothing addiction).

I’ve literally forgotten about pieces of clothing I own, strictly because they are so cramped together. Which is a curse and a blessing because when I come across something I forgot I had … it’s like God damn Christmas morning. And then makes me feel silly because I’ve realized I’ve been buying similar garments over and over again (I swear I’m not crazy, I just likes what I likes).

I’ve found myself wondering if I should have a method to my madness. I’ve always rolled my eyes at people who color-coded their closets or alphabetized their closets, but maybe it makes a different. Oddly enough, the whole thing freaks me out. People can get SO intense with it … and I’m just not type of gal. And … ps. I loathe change. “From right to left you will find my sleeveless dresses, maxi dresses, formal dresses, which then transitions to t-shirts, fancy t-shirts, embroidered t-shirts. Oh and everything is color-coded in alphabetical order based on color.” :::Bangs head against wall::: I mean … no. Just no. The idea of it makes me sweat.

But for someone like me who likes having a bit of chaos in my life, I’ve decided the best way to organize my closet overload is to do it strictly by the following system: Dresses, tanks, t-shirts, long sleeves, jackets, and pants. Boom. And in my dark hole of my closet will live the bulky sweaters and coats that will have a comfortable rest until the cooler months return. This way, when I’m madly rushing to get out the door in the morning, and don’t have the slightest idea what I want to wear, I will easily be able to pull exactly what I want and not have anymore “Christmas morning” moment (although they are delicious) or a Clueless moment screaming, “WHERE IS MY COLLARLESS SHIRT FROM FRED SEGAL!”

I’m excited about this decision. I call this growing up, people, I call this growing up.

How do you organize your closet?

Girl Power!

There is nothing more that I love in life than empowering women :::insert Spice Girl high kick here:::

Unfortunately, when it comes to workout gear, I’m not one that likes the sparkles, and the frills, and the “PINK” across my ass. I’m sorry, I’m going to go sweat my ass off and burn some calories, not find my future husband.

When I came across the brand Machina, an elite boxing brand for women straight out of Philly, I immediately wanted to give them a slow clap. Not only are they a brand that motivates women, but they make it easy for us to get in the ring and face our fears, inside and outside the boxing world. And quite frankly, this line sold me on their website: “We love boxing and we are absolutely thrilled to be able to offer something special for women to help them do the things that they’ve been told that girls shouldn’t do.” A-freaking-men, because when we hit things, we want to look epically cool.

Whether you are going to go kick some ass in the ring or find your center in a yoga studio, Machina is the perfect empowering must-have.

How long has this brand been around?
Machina began out of a conversation in the Summer of 2011. One year later Machina officially launched as the first and only boxing brand dedicated exclusively to women.

Was it established in Philly? If not, where?
Machina is indeed a native Philly business – Philadelphia founded, universally loved

As a sporting goods brand we embrace the old school, classic style. We avoid gimmicks like adding techno-jargon labels to our product names or offering zebra striped pink gear. Machina is all about being tough, serious and no-nonsense – y’know, Philly-style.

What inspired this brand? Did you feel there was something lacking in the market?
The concept for a dedicated brand of women’s boxing gear began when partner, Courtney, started realizing that there were very few suitable options for women who were serious about boxing. She was training in gear that was bulky and awkward and she realized that the typical “ladies” gear that other brands offer is merely men’s gear colored pink or else inexpensive garbage intended for a light workout.

So there was a definite marketing opportunity. And as we had hoped and expected, there is no shortage of women who are serious about their boxing training and appreciate what Machina is about.

Where can you buy this gear?
Machina gear and clothing is available to purchase in our online store at http://machinaboxing.com

What are your price points?
Our gear for boxing is in the neighborhood of $50 – $60 for high quality, genuine leather goods. We also sell our Club Duffle bag, which is ideal for boxers and kick boxers for $77. Our tees and tanks go for $34 and $32 and the shorts and pants are $54 and $64. Oh, and our hoodie is outstanding at $69.

What is your most popular product?
Well our best seller, by far, is our 12 oz Carbonado training gloves. Word is spreading about how nice these are. We get tons of positive feedback and we even have a good number of professional and amateur level fighters who train exclusively in these gloves.

Is this gear only for female boxers or could a woman going to yoga wear this?
Actually, Courtney wears our clothing for every type of workout she does. In fact, our training pants and shorts are patterned after yoga and pilates pants. The fabric feels like a second skin, yet it’s breathable and forgiving. Additionally, the waistband of our pants was inspired by the classic thick boxing short waistband, only instead of a fat, heavy piece of elastic, the entire waistband is elasticized so it moves dynamically with you and doesn’t dig in. So absolutely these could be popular with women doing a pilates workout and there would be the added benefit of showing off how tough they are.

Our tops are also great for other activities. The fabric is super soft and has a bit of stretch to it. We wanted to be sure that when you’re throwing a punch that the shirt itself is not constraining you in any way. This unrestricted movement of the shoulders and torso is ideal for all sorts of workouts.

Why does this brand differ from other boxing gear brands?
We like to say that ‘women make up about 15% of the market for combat sports and therefore other brands spend about 15% of their time thinking about women. On the other hand, women make up 100% of Machina’s market.’  So when we design a boxing glove we are thinking about the end user strictly as a woman. This singular focus means that when we sell a “women’s boxing glove”, we are actually selling a glove that has been designed for a woman, as opposed to a glove that was designed for a man and later repackaged.

We often get comments from women looking for specific things that other brands don’t offer or that is not up to their expectations. So when we think about new products to add to our line, we are thinking about how to make each product suitable and desirable for a woman without being stereotypical or cliché. This is the major difference between Machina and everyone else producing combat sporting goods.


Choppin’ It Off!

elle-01-kim-kardashian-hFor as long as I can remember, I’ve had a love affair with the idea of having long hair. Perhaps it was the “always wanting what you don’t have” syndrome, but as a little girl, my mother kept my insanely curly hair rather short, and I always wanted the Little Mermaid’s hair … but brunette, of course.

Flash forward to present day and my hair is long. Long … and not doing anything. Yawn. And then I came across my high school graduation photo and literally my hair looks exactly the same. Same color. Same length. Same part. And … sigh … that photo was taken almost 10 years ago. Yowza. Mind you my hair has been through a lot of colors and lengths since then, but right now … it’s like I’m 17 years old again … except … well … a tad more aged … JUST a tad.

I was in DIRE need of change. And not because I had a bad break up or going through a transition or hate life, but just because a simple change to something like your hair can be SO damn refreshing. But I’ve already fallen down the ombre hole, did the layers thing, changed my hair color a million different ways, and the only thing shocking I have left is blonde, and that AIN’T happenin’. So what is left?

Well, I was bored one day and took a Buzzfeed quiz (oh shush, who doesn’t take those quizzes … they are addictive), asking “what hair style I should have,” and I got the long bob. I immediately got intrigued, but scratched my head, laughed and said … “haha … noooooo.”

I suppose it stayed in the back of my head, because this past Monday I was catching up on celebrity gossip (I know, I sound like SUCH a sophisticated Interwebs explorer, right?) and stumbled upon Kim Kardashian’s new do, which happened to be a long bob, and all of a sudden I said without thinking about it, “screw it, I’m doing it.”

Literally all I kept thinking was, “yes, let’s do this. I want to do this now. How fast can this happen? I want all of my hair gone. Holy crap.” In the matter of minutes I had booked my hair appointment for Thursday (tomorrow), went on Pinterest and found some long bob styles I liked, and texted all of my friends asking what they thought. Green lights all around.

Usually I would be peeing myself in fear. The last time I drastically got my hair cut was right before I graduated college and this awful stylist made me look like a newscaster from the 1980′s. I was BEYOND pissed. Usually I can keep control of my face while they style my hair, but she just kept asking, “are you mad? Do you like it? You don’t look happy.” No, bitch, I’m not happy. And since then I burned all of my graduation pics for I had an awful puffy hair cut and I was like 15 pounds over weight due to beer consumption. Cool, self.

So I decided this time it will be different. And the fact that I’m so positive about it and all about YES, I feel confident. And christ, it’s hair. It will grow back … right? Ahhh I’m like 73.4% excited and the rest scared shitless. I believe the worst part is when my stylist will do the first rather large chop. Ugh. Hopefully I don’t “Top Model-style” start to cry. Times like these I wish I had a reality show. “TURN OFF THE CAMERAS. I’M :::hyperventilating::: NOT :::hyperventilating::: FILMING :::hyperventilating::: THIS!” I kid … I wouldn’t be THAT much of a diva.

So I’m putting my fears into the universe … honestly … so that way I won’t obsess over them until 5:30 tomorrow when it will all go down.

1. I’m worried this long bob will give me fat face (I told you I’m being 100% honest here)

2. I’m worried my hair won’t look like Kim K’s and instead look like a 1980′s newscaster again

3. I’m worried it will be too puffy and out-of-control

4. I’m worried I won’t master the beachy, flowy long bob look

5. I’m worried it will ruin me (I don’t even know what that means, but … yeah … I’m scared)

So there it is. I need positive vibes tomorrow around 5:30 p.m. I decided I’m going to embody Man Repeller who chops her hair off at the drop of a hat and doesn’t give a shit. Sometimes … you just need to take a plunge. Less thinking … more plunging.

Stay tuned for the aftermath!

Ps. If this goes poorly … I blame Kim Kardashian and Buzzfeed. That is all.







600Dear Ralph Lauren,

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR OLYMPIC TEAM?! Sorry for the outburst, but those outfits have made my brain explode.

Seriously, I love Ralph. That dress Lupita Nyong’o wore to the Golden Globes, flawlessly and forever gorgeous. But my GOD, our poor Olympians. It’s all sorts of wrong.

We are the United States of America, God dammit. We are powerful. We aren’t the end-all-be-all when it comes to fashion, but we still have some very forward thinking designers. We are innovators. We are smart. So tell me why our Olympic team looks like a bunch of kids going to an ugly Christmas sweater party?

By wearing these outfits in front of the entire world, we are basically saying, “hey guys, we are a bunch of preppy rich kids with snobby attitudes who vacation in the Hamptons, subscribe to Martha Stewart Magazine, and grew up in Greenwich, CT. Popping collars? Yes, please!” Not, “we’ve worked our entire lives from this moment and bitch, regardless of what happens, we are taking home the gold hell or high water.”

Like Ralph, I’m going to let you finish, but where is the North Face? You know? Where is Nike? Where is Reebok? Not that I’m sporty spice at all, but I feel like they could have pulled together some amazing looks for our team. Maybe like a the North Face and Marc Jacobs collabo. I mean how insane would that be?! I have chills thinking about it. I get it … Ralph Lauren is an American staple. He defines American style … kind of. But we are at the Olympics to take names and kick ass … not sit by the fire reading House and Garden as we sip martinis and gossip about the floozy next door in our fancy knit cardigans. Come now.

Let’s do something different! Let’s stand out! Let’s take a page out of Kanye’s book and wear really fierce face masks. Something.

At the Olympics we are competitors … not there to make American fashion statements. Sorry Ralph, but you missed the mark. But I still love you. Call me? Okay?