Sweating Through My Bra: Why I Hate The Heat

593681Summer is genuinely such a happy time. Pools, vacations, frothy delicious cocktails, longer, more relaxing days … 

Unless you’re a commuter. Like myself. And I’m not talking about walking from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car then driving from A to B. I’m talking about long walks to the train and having to deal with sweaty crazed humans (because literally everyone loses their shit when it goes above 90)

When it’s summer and you would sell your soul for a sweet breeze from a passing train, you know it’s bad. I leave my house looking like a million bucks (well probably $250), and by the time I make it to my train, already find myself craving another cold shower to cleanse the sweat from my brow. 

So while I love me some summertime with cute sandals and dresses and margaritas … I gotta say summer sucks extra for us working/commuting gals. Here’s why: 

1. Sweating through your bra: it happens to me daily. Actually several times a day. I even created a hashtag for it, #SweatingThroughMyBra. It’s horrifying. This damp piece of horrific fabric glued to your body as you pray your natural body heat will dry it eventually. Hi Satan, what up?

a5823fe5-7c29-4795-90a8-97e55fcac42c_text

2. Shaving your legs: I have to do it every day. Every. Fucking. Day. If you’re one of those chicks that is all, “oh me? I only have to shave once a month :::flips hair:::” just to be clear I want to stab you and so does every other woman. It’s so damn time consuming, not to mention stressful. One little painful nick to the skin and it looks like a murder scene in my bath tub. I’m 29 years old and lately I can’t go a day without accidentally cutting myself. So my new mantra is, if you can’t deal with a little leg stubble, then get outta my face.

3. Having to wash your bras more often: okay look, I’m not a scumbag, I wash my bras. But not a lot. Because it’s annoying as fuck. I have to buy such expensive bras due to my large taa situation, and because of that all have to be “hand washed” and “hung delicately.” Umm who the hell has time for that shit? But when you find yourself sweating through your bra 20 times a day, you gotta wash them … a lot. This is where I contemplate buying 20 cheap bras that will make my taas look deformed instead of washing my 3 expensive ones every day. 

4. Constantly being paranoid you stink: when you’re sitting on the train and get a whiff of something foul, and immediately think, “OMG did I put deodorant on!?” And then can’t remember because you black out due to exhaustion for the first hour of every morning and start freaking out. And then you realize you shower and happen to be on public transportation with thousands of other people who probably have seriously poor hygiene and you’re fine. Hi, I’m losing my mind.

5. Thighs rubbing together: oh thanks, summer. If I already didn’t feel bad enough for not working out, now I have a constant reminder of the 10 fucking pounds I gained while I was hibernating this past winter with the constant friction happening between my thighs. Awesome. With every step I take, all I hear from my under carriage is, “you need to lose weight, you need to get toned, why did you eat that entire pizza last night, why don’t you drink another glass of wine, fatty.” Middle. Fingers. Up. Put. Them. Hands. High.

6. Makeup melts: I got home from work the other day, took off my sunglasses, and realized my liquid cat eye had traveled all the way to my temple. Uhh what? And where are the people in my life to tell me I look like a freak? I sometimes don’t even know why I bother. I leave the house looking contoured and highlighted and come home looking like satan’s step sister due to overheating. I say Satan’s step sister because I have rosacea and, ha, good luck keeping that shit covered up during a heatwave.

url

So there you have it. While I try to be a “glass half full” kinda gal, I just can’t help but want to throw myself on the ground, kicking and screaming over how badly it sucks to commute in the summer and still look stylish and put together. 

Now excuse me, I need to set fire to my sweat-stained bra. 

5d582d0440ff826706f89197075fb858

Three-Day Weekend Must-Haves

It’s almost over people! Take a deep breath and bask in the glory that is a three-day weekend. They are so rare and elusive, drink it in. I’ve decided I’m going to step away from wedding talk (I know, I bet half of you just did a happy dance), and get back into the nitty-gritty of what you and I both love: Summer fashion.

Now Refinery29, one of my all-time favorite websites that I would sell my SOUL to write for (hint, hint … nudge, nudge) came out with a list of 30 essentials you need for your summer wardrobe. I am all about timeless pieces. Something you can buy and wear season after season. Of course I indulge in the trendy stuff here and there, like the neon belly shirt or something cray-cray like that, but for the most part I want something I can repurpose season after season.

So after some deep thought and consideration, here is my edited list of everything a girl needs to throw in her overnight bag for a long and well-deserved three-day weekend.

1. Maxi dresses: If I could live in maxi dresses and maxi skirts … I would. Nothing is more comfortable, easy and chic. In fact, it is the one thing I don’t feel guilty about wearing day in and day out. If they ever go out of style, I’m going to start protesting in front of H&M or something.

2. The Paper Thin Tee: Yes. Threads for Though Tees are my favorite. In fact, the first one I ever bought was at Whole Foods (crazytown, right?) So clearly, they are organic and make the environment happy, but they are also super comfy and thin and hang really nicely. I can always find them for cheap at Nordstrom Rack, definitely invest!

3. Colored Jeans: I can’t pull them off … at all. I try so hard with all different colors and I just don’t sparkle in them. But I am obsessed with idea, therefore … well colored jeans, I just won’t quit you. I walked through Urban Outfitters yesterday and they had some pretty fierce neon denim. Get on that, ladies.

4. Summer Knits: Love this look for after a long day at the beach. Not sure how it would translate when it is like a bazillion degrees out though, because homegirl doesn’t like to sweat it out. But I find the idea of throwing on a loose, holey knit sweater for a chilly night at the beach pretty romantic if you ask me.

5. Vintage Inspired Swimsuits: For all of you who pump iron and don’t just watch $40 leave your bank account every month like I do and actually use it to its full advantage, I commend you. And I bet you do that so you can rock floss on the beach proudly. But there is something to say about leaving a little somethin’ somethin’ to the imagination and that is why I love vintage inspired swimsuits. They hug the curves in all the right places, yet cover all your jiggly bits sufficiently. I bet all the men in the world want to throw fire at me right now, but think Marilyn Monroe sexy on the beach … better?

6. Non-Boring Flip Flops: Most flip-flops bore the life out of me. I’m just over them completely. In fact I found myself walking through a shoe store because I needed a cheap pair of flip-flops for my bridesmaids dress (you know, for when I can no longer tolerate my 4 inch heels) and was completely irritated by the whole situation. It’s all the same nonsense, glitter, hemp, jellies … blah, blah, blah. Seriously, if I see another pair of Havaiana’s I’m going to scream. Just because there are 10,000 different colors to choose from doesn’t make me feel any more light-hearted about them, kay. Therefore, I like a little edge to my flop, like with a massive bow on it or something that stands out. Think outside of the box when it comes to flops.

7. The Sheer Top: I personally can’t get enough of them. From long sleeve to short sleeve, in colors or neutrals, this is the perfect “going out top” for summer 2012. It is chic, sexy and very stylish. But for the love of God wear something underneath it. This is not an excuse or a hall pass for you to show everyone in the world your bra … kay thanks.

8. Gold Bling: I think gold goes best with a tan. Big chunky gold cuffs, layering of long gold necklaces … I love it all. Although make sure it is the right color gold, none of that cheap, yellow-ey looking stuff. H&M is notorious for having some truly fab gold pieces to choose from for the right price.

9. Color Blocked Heels: I’m obsessed. Unfortunately they only make color blocked heels that are 4 inches or higher and quite frankly, I have balls when it comes to heel height, just not that many balls. But they are all so cute, I wanna cry when I walk through the aisles of DS Dub. Seriously, if you can pull these off … do so I can live vicariously through you.

10. Beach Tote/Purse: If this was Zoolander, I would give this the slashie award! I hate, despise and loathe changing purses, so therefore if I can find one that works for any situation … going out, running errands, hitting the beach … then I am a happy camper. And these beach totes are getting more and more sophisticated looking, so don’t feel like a weird if you want to use it as an actual purse. Own it. Like this one for example … I could live, breath and die for this bag all over town.

Alright kids, so there ya have it. Have a lovely and safe Memorial Day Weekend! Kick back, relax, and indulge in some well-deserved cocktails … I know I will. Cheers!