Leave The Boys At Home

As much as I despise going to Forev Twent in the middle of the afternoon, I drug myself there because I hadn’t been in a while and mama needed her fix. It was glorious. Wasn’t too crowded, lots to choose from and outfits to contemplate, good music was playing … I was in heaven. That is until I noticed something that was so distracting and disturbing that I couldn’t wait to run home and write about it (I know I am the biggest nerd on the planet, what can I say).

Usually I’m surrounded by teenage girls who are trying to look like Kendall and Kylie Jenner scream about utter nonsense or what someone posted on the interwebs making me feel extremely old. But today, I found myself weaving around these huge, bored as all hell standing sculptures who were glued to their phones. What were they? Boyfriends of idiot girls who brought them into Forev Twent. I mean dear sweet Jesus, where do I begin?

Okay, here’s the deal. I am very picky about who I shop with. I don’t like to be rushed, I don’t like to be around bored people who will just stare at me as I take my time looking through pieces, or people who like to comment on everything and anything I pick up wondering why I would ever try that on. Okay, I basically only like to shop with my mom, I’ll just throw it out there (sorry to all my girlfriends). Or I like shopping by myself, like I did today. But never would I ever bring a boyfriend to Forever 21. Ever. Never. Never EVER. Why would you EVER do that to a dude? I barely like to go in there sometimes for fear someone might bite when the check out line gets too long (it gets rough and chaotic in there sometimes).

It wasn’t like there was one or two, there were several dudes just standing around looking like there were beaten with a boredom stick as their chicks shuffled through over packed racks of clothing. How do I know they were BF & GF? I heard at least two of the idiot girls say, “babe, what do you think about this color? Or maybe I should just get a dress?” And then the dude would mumble something, not taking his eyes away from the phone for fear he would look too interested. Je-sus.

I’ve never seen such whipped dudes in my life. I mean it looked like if these girls said, “hey babe, can you put this sparkly bangle bracelet on for me so I can see how it looks on someone else before I buy it,” they would absolutely hop to it. Bad thing? Well, having a whipped guy isn’t always bad. But dragging his ass to Forever 21, that is just plain ol’ mean. And wrong on so many levels. How does that conversation even happen? I picture it something like this, ahem:

Dude: Dear, what do you want to do today?

Chick: Well, I have to go to Forever 21 at some point, but you can just come with me.

Dude: But I don’t wa …

Chick: YOU’RE COMING!

Dude: ::::Tail between his legs:::: Okay …

Honestly I can’t even picture it, because I, for one, would NEVER bring my boyfriend to Forever 21 with me. EVER. That would be the most awkward situation. I would try and take deep breaths as I thumbed through the racks with him standing behind me but then awkwardly scream, “I CAN’T DO THIS,” ┬ábreak out in hives and run out before he even got the chance to. Unless you are blessed with a boyfriend who loves women’s fashion and respects it and can give honest opinions about clothing without standing around looking out-of-place and weird, then there is no reason for you to subdue them to that kind of torture. I’m sorry. Ladies, if you have done this … for SHHHAAAMMMMEE. I’m literally shaking my shame stick at you.

If you are spending time with the BF and get an itch to have a little F21 sesh, give him a kiss, tell him you’ll be right back, go hit the mall, get your fix … and bring it on back to your guy. Because guess what? If you need his approval on a $20 F21 dress, you need help. And if you need his approval on anything having to do with clothes, you still need even more help. Dress for you, not for your dude.

The good news: I didn’t tap any of these guys on the shoulder and tell them to grow a pair.