Blister Season

cruelshoesYou guys, I’m in pain. Severe, severe pain. And I would like to thank my feet not being conditioned for sandals of any kind.

With the weather, for once, being over 60 degrees this weekend slash this week, Friday I took it upon myself to march to DSW to stock up on some new sandals. Let me tell you, I was like a kid in a candy store. How could I not be? All I’ve wanted to do was toss my boots to the wind and let my feet flourish in fresh air (after a nice pedicure, though … no one wants to see any of that pre-pedicure. Hey, it was a rough winter.).

After scoring some ridiculously good deals (seriously, you would be a fool not to march to DSW right now … go … well, no … finish reading this post … THEN go), I literally was ripping open the boxes and putting the gladiator heels and sandals on my feet before even making it home. Now for those of you who don’t know, I walk. A lot. I work in the city and hate driving, so yeah. Without thinking or taking the proper precautions, I threw on my new shoes and started trekking out and about. There’s truly nothing better then strutting in a pair of new sandals. Until after an hour of strutting you literally are in so much pain you want to cry. If you saw a person walking awkwardly in the city and cursing under her breath because of the pain this weekend, that was me.

I suppose at the end of every summer, there is some hormone or enzyme that makes women forget how much breaking in sandals sucks … much like they say about childbirth. Because flash forward to me last night, at the end of the weekend, with my feet covered in blisters and cuts (sorry for the amazingly graphic image right there). I spent my Sunday evening covering my wounds in Neosporin and writhing in pain. And then I remembered, oh yeah, sometimes, and by sometimes I mean most times, sandals need to be worked in. Seriously, have you ever taken a shower with your feet covered in blisters? Yeah. It sucks. Everything sucks unless you are a princess and can kick your feet up all day. If so, I hate your face.

As much as I’m so pumped the weather is finally warm enough to retire the over sized sweaters, boots, and jackets … I’m not so pumped about conditioning my feet for new sandals. It’s a bitch. I mean I woke up this morning, hoping the Neosporin magically cured my feet wounds (again, sorry for the mental image) overnight, but alas it did not. So today I had to rock a pair of flats that are so old I probably needed to retire them six months ago, but so comfy I just could not part with them … thank God. Oh yeah … and I had to wake up super early for the covering of wounds with Band Aids process … even though half of them won’t stay on and I will probably find a really random Band Aid under my desk or something. Sexy, right? Nothing like a random Band Aid.

So here I am, walking carefully as literally anything I put on my feet rub one of the many blisters the wrong way, praying for the days when I’m all healed up and ready to rock my sandals. And hoping to dear sweet Jesus they won’t re-damage my feet. Which, let’s be real, they probably will.

I leave you with this Public Service Announcement, ladies. Don’t walk far distances in new sandals. Wear them around your house, walk around the block, but don’t do anything ambitious like walk 10 city blocks in them … like me. Learn from my mistakes. Hopefully one day you’ll see me strutting in my cute new sandals that I want to kiss I love them so much. But until then, it’s crusty ol’ flats for me. :::Sigh::: I mine as well say screw it and rock orthopedics.
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Flats on Flats on Flats

Nicky_Hilton-01-fullI hate winter. Die Polar Vortex. Down with the chill. Etc. Etc. Blah, blah, I’m cold.

I’m over talking about winter. Really, I am. But you know what I’m NOT over talking about? Spring and my soon-to-be established spring wardrobe. I literally broke out in a sweat when I heard it was going to be 60 degrees this week because I’ve been existing in bulky sweaters. Hell, I’ve been so layered I almost forgot I had taas.

Starting a new seasonal wardrobe is not only intimidating, it’s overwhelming. I need skirts, and tops, and oh my Gawd are they really going to make me wear crop tops this season?! And so on and so forth. So I like to keep it simple and fun when starting this process. Lucky for me this week while on a hunt on the interwebs to find something that would make me happy, I found flat mecca, also known as the ModCloth shoe section.

If I could only use one website, besides Gmail, Twitter and Facebook (I feel like they don’t count), I would absolutely take ShopStyle.com and run. If you’ve never used it, I’m about to ba-low ya mind. So say you are in the market for purple polka dotted tights (I have no idea where this example came from), and you didn’t feel like visiting a million and five websites to find said tights. Well, my friends, you hop to ShopStyle, type in “purple polka dotted tights,” and boom! There ya have it. Millions of options. The only thing that bums me out when I use this tool is when I forget to set my price limits and the first thing that pops up is like this to-die-for Celine handbag that I THINK I can afford, but alas, can’t. This girl lives in the $1-$100 range on ShopStyle. Whomp. Whomp.

Anywho, I realized my black flats needed to be retired (I mean I was coloring them in with a black Sharpie … it was time to go), so I went to ShopStyle and typed in “black flats” and henceforth found shoe mecca on ModCloth. Not only are these styles affordable, they are different and not in a hipster, trendy, “I’m too cool for oxygen” kind of way. I literally was salivating and had to stop myself from buying 10 pairs. Why not heels you ask? Because I work in the city, and unfortunately had to give up my four-inch heel obsession for a bit, as my tootsies couldn’t handle it. Anyways we are talking flats here, duh!

So in an effort to ignite spring wardrobes all over the country, I give you my favorite pairs of flats from ModCloth. All affordable … and all will be mine … one day. Don’t they make you just want to frolic?

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Wait … Keds Are Cool Again?

aef969441d1ff1c7b0e67f6b6e57446cI haven’t rocked a pair of Keds since I was in the second grade … and let me tell you, they were the shit. Nothing made you the bees knees on the playground more than a canvas pair of white Keds. Then I grew up and realized Keds were for squares.

It’s true, Keds went through a dark period where no one would be caught dead in them. Only until hipsters adopted Keds did famous people and designers take interest … hence why I find myself writing about them with a shocked look on my face right now.

Never in a million years would I ever think Keds would be cool, ever again. Especially since Taylor Swift is the face of Keds. She’s the WORST. Ugh. There is no edge to her, much like how I once felt about Keds. If I wanted to throw on my cheer leading outfit or my sailor-inspired, red, white and blue look whilst yachting in Nantucket, hell yes I would rock some Keds. Otherwise, meh … don’t really think they would compliment my ripped jeans and leather jacket that I rocked to a death metal concert … ya know what I mean?

But I have to say Kate Spade’s line is pretty saucy for the brand, which I find to be a breath of fresh air. Would I pay $75 for them? Hell would freeze over faster, but I appreciate them stepping out of the box a little.

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I see certain styles of Keds being a great go-to shoe for spring … perhaps they can be the new flat. I just wish the price point was just a little more pocket-friendly, ya dig?

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Dear Wedges, Why Are You Always So High?

Seriously.

Okay, we all know at this point that I’m not afraid of a stiletto. They used to be my enemies, but now we have this like obsessive compulsive love affair with each other. So what if they make me taller than the Empire State building, they are sexy and fabulous … and in the words of Jay-z, “either love me or leave me alone.” But I’m not open to everything … that would make me a complete and utter shoe whore, now wouldn’t it. Since I am 5’9, the extra height isn’t exactly necessary, so I usually don’t purchase anything above four inches.

But recently, I feel like EVERY heel I fall in love with is above four inches. And the rest of the shoes … well, they are ordinary and ugly. I loathe the ordinary. But God dammit, sometimes I want another cute option besides these sky scrapers on my feet. They hurt, they can be impossible to walk in, and every once in a while, I would enjoy not towering over everyone and everything in sight … kay thanks.

I’m beginning to think it is a conspiracy. The higher the shoes get, the cuter they become. For example, I was dying for a pair of color blocked heels. Something preferably with a platform (for comfort) and a stylish block heel three inches max. Do they exist? Not that I’ve seen. What the hell, shoemakers? They were all like Barbie stilettos that honestly made me look like a tranny hooker with a funny swagger when I tried them on. Hi … yeah, I’m not sure if the shoemakers out there are aware of this, but not everyone in the world is a perfect 5’6. Sure, when you are in New York City, if you are 5’9 and wear 5 inch heels … no one blinks twice at you. Being an amazon woman is like second nature simply because that is the jungle that models roam in. When you are walking in suburbia-land in 5 inch stilettos that would make you a whopping 6’3 (like yours truly) … whelp … people tend to make more idiotic comments than you think. Confidence, confidence, it’s all about confidence … yeah yeah … but it is all about feeling comfortable in your surroundings, and suburbia and 5 inch stilettos don’t really mesh well together … well, at least in my experience. City and stilettos and being glamazon … yes, meshable.

It just isn’t fair. Now I’m on the hunt for a fantastic pair of wedges. Do THEY exist … no because they just keep getting higher and freaking higher. God dammit. I have this perfect outfit in mind and can’t put it together properly because the only cute wedges that exist are legit six-inch blocks. I love them, I DIE for them, but it’s summer and I like to give my feet a rest from the highness and save it for the winter months.

So all I’m saying … or more like BEGGING shoemakers out there is to think about the taller gals for once. I mean I love a good clearance section, but there is a reason why sizes 8 1/2 and above in clearance are always choke full of 5 inch or higher stilettos because no one wants them. I mean sure, some people want them, I want them, but it just isn’t feasible to wear that high of a heel all the time. A tall girl needs a break. What happened to a sexy, sensible 2 1/2 inch heel that doesn’t look like something a doubty secretary from 1985 would have worn. Less boring under 5 inches and more desirable. Please. Because right now, I’m convinced they don’t exist … and if they do, they are ridiculously expensive. C’mon …

Hmm what are the odds that Steve Madden read this? Here’s to hopin’ …