Size 9: Always Out Of Stock

Screen Shot 2015-05-12 at 12.53.38 PMI remember being the young age of 10 when I became a size 9 in women’s shoes. It was mortifying, to say the least. I was a monster walking around tiny people who still resembled actual children, when I was well on my way to the “Women’s section” in stores, which made me feel super awkward. My height was something I knew I didn’t have control over, but my feet? Well … I did everything to make them not look like Big Foot’s relative … including squeezing my foot into shoes that were way too small for me.

Regardless to say, I have some foot problems now. I won’t go into the gritty details … but lesson here, kids is … rock your proper shoe size, no matter if it looks like you have clown feet and have to start shopping in the Women’s section of Payless that no longer offers cool Disney-inspired velcro shoes. 

Now … as an adult who has become one with her size 9 foot, I’m actually convinced everyone is a size 9. Want to know why? Because every time I find a sandal that I like … size 9 is gone. “Oh … do you want us to email you when they come back in … IF they come back in?” No. I want them NOW, dammit, NOW! 

My issue is I hate paying a lot of money for sandals. I always look forward to summer because no longer do you have to worry about purchasing $200 a pop pairs of boots, or $100 pairs of heels. Sandals, because of the less material factor, should be cheaper, right? RIGHT?!

Well … depends on where you go. Hence why my jam are websites like Forever 21. I’ve been buying my sandals there for years. It was my secret spot to get on-trend styles for like 20 bucks. Sure, they don’t last as long, and yes a pair of mine once broke whilst walking to the train (super fun day), but they get the job done for the most part. 

Nothing thrills me more than going onto Forever21.com for the first sandal buying event of the year. That was, until every style I immediately fell in love with was out of my size. Ummm come again? What in living hell is going on here? 

My mother, who has the perfect size 8, found her shoes, clicked and bought them. No problem. No wanting to punt her laptop like me. “Oooh I LOVE those” … size 9 unavailable. “Those are to DIE for!” Nope … size 9 unavailable. “I would literally stab someone to wear those sandals.” Welp … looks like I don’t need to, because size 9 is, you guessed it … unavailable. 

What gives, Forever 21?! Do you keep like 10 pairs of each shoe in stock? Or does everyone and their mother just know about my secret spot for cheap and stylish sandals? Like, I’m happy for you that people are buying your shit, but my God, can a sister just get ONE pair of sandals she desires? And no … I don’t want to be on a “waiting list” because who knows, by the time they come I may not even want them. Call me Veruca Salt, but I WANT THEM NOOOOOOW, DADDY! 

Apart of me wishes I had baby feet or gigantor feet … because good styles are ALWAYS available in size 6 or size 11. That isn’t just in Forever 21, that is everywhere. If you are a size 9 … forget it. The good styles never make it to the sale section, and the websites never have the styles you’re lusting over. Sigh. 

What I’m saying is, now that I’ve become one with my size 9 foot, I want to decorate them in the seasons best styles, and not have to pay an arm and a leg for them. Okay? So Forever 21, please get more quantities of your style in stock ASAP. Mama needs a new pair of shoes. 

Spring Shoes: Woof

af557433c196b9a2aaf06140a5454486Has anyone noticed how fugly shoes are this spring? I feel like I jumped into some weird time machine and zoomed back to my days in the 90’s when I would have sold my mother to have a full wardrobe from Delias (RIP).

Usually I’m over-joyed with the articles outlining the “top 10 must-have shoes for spring” as I fill my virtual shopping cart. And as it gets fuller and fuller, I contemplate ways of how I could afford them all including selling my body (just kidding … kind of … sort of :::shifty eyes:::). 

Now I’m staring at my computer screen making a really ugly face (think of an ugly cry face but without the crying) and quietly exclaiming to myself, “WHY.” Seriously. I’m in no way shape or form running out to get a pedicure to expose my feet in all of these eye sores. I’ll keep my over-the-knee boots zippered up, a-thank you very much.

What happened to the days of Carrie Bradshaw when shoes were like candy, huh? The ones that were sparkling, colorful, sky-high, and made you feel like a model running around the city. Now I just feel like everyone is going to be walking around this spring recreating a failed Spice Girls video. GAWL POWAH! I don’t know who these fashion editors are kidding, thinking I will put my shower shoes from college back on (yes I wore platform sandals in the shower in college, we didn’t have a great drainage system), but I shant. I SHANT, I say.

So without further adieu, let me activate your gag reflex because, well, misery loves company, am I right? And don’t even bother clicking on them thinking I’ll send you to the link because why on God’s green Earth would I do that to anyone? You’re we,come.

No.

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Stop it.

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Insert Emoji Vom Face

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Dear GOD why?

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Seriously? My eyes.

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Please, no more.

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Oh, Em, Gee. Sandals.

Photo credit: http://www.dsw.com/shoe/fergalicious+ferocious+gladiator+sandal?prodId=296723&cm_mmc=CSE-_-Shopping-_-Fergalicious-_-296723&mr:referralID=b2f92be4-e6a1-11e3-8dbe-001b2166c2c0

Photo credit: http://www.dsw.com/shoe/fergalicious+ferocious+gladiator+sandal?prodId=296723&cm_mmc=CSE-_-Shopping-_-Fergalicious-_-296723&mr:referralID=b2f92be4-e6a1-11e3-8dbe-001b2166c2c0

Let our feet be free! It was a joy to kick my boots to the curb. An honest to God joy. Seeing for the first time my feet, which had only been randomly manicured by yours truly during the chilly months prior, well … that was a different story. Woof.

But once a pedicure was secured, I was ready to dive head first into sandal season. I literally wanted to do the back stroke in a sea of cute gladiators and thong flops. Nothing would have pleased me more. But where does a gal begin?

I’m pretty sure you could walk into one store, find a smashing pair of black gladiators for $150, say “bitch, please,” walk into a more “economically friendly” store and see the (almost) same pair for under $50, and say “that’s more like it.” Even though I swoon over delicious high-end brands, I just don’t see spending over $100 on sandals. (Unless someone wants to buy me a pair, then of course, OMG expensive sandals, you shouldn’t have!)

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in investing in pieces. A sun dress? Absolutely, where do I swipe my credit card? Sandals just don’t happen to be something I see worth investing in unless they have a heel. Specifically because my favorite sandals come from the land of Forever 21. They are amazing and last. AND LAST. For example, I bought a pair around 2 years ago, wore them when I went tubing (I don’t do “water shoes”), washed them by hand afterward, and still got a full 2 summers worth of wear out of them. And they were under $20. Hello? You can’t beat that. I’m sorry.

In a world where we have 500 different versions of black sandals in different styles … where the hell do you start, am I right? Well … calm down, take a deep breath and let me outline for you the best sandal-styles to invest in for summer 2k14. And once you snag these … the sandal world is your oyster. Get all freaky with them if you please. Just don’t wear Birkenstocks with socks … or you will be dead to me. DEAD, I say, DEAD!

The simple black pair you can literally wear with anything and everything:

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Saucy brown pair you could (almost) wear with anything:

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A wedge (sandal … not salad):

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A sandal for those Xena Warrior Princess days:

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Ones with a pop of color/personality:

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Just promise you won’t rock these … promise?:

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