No Pain. No Gain: Breaking In Sandals

summer-beauty-bummers-02I’ve become a little sandal crazed this season. Usually I’ll invest in one or two pairs, and truly get the most out of sandals from seasons past. But this year, for some reason, sandals are my jam. I’ve literally scoured the interwebs for cool and interesting ones to invest in (seriously, if you’re looking for a specific sandal, I probably know where to find it). 

But with new sandals comes the ordeal of having to work them in. No matter what, with any new sandal I purchase, they could be made from the tears of Jesus himself, I will still get a horrific blister. And probably a scar. And people will look at my feet and be all, “what the hell happened to you?!” But when you love something so much, you’ll do anything to make it work, right? 

Last season I was lusting after the high gladiator sandals that go up to your knee. After much contemplation, I threw in the towel and invested in this great pair that was made out of tan leather. They were delicious. I wore them the first chance I got, which was out to dinner one evening. Let’s just say by the time I had made it into the restaurant, I was close to tears. The blisters that these bad boys had caused sent me writhing in pain. Even the idea of vacating the restaurant made me cringe. I begged my friend to carry me out of said restaurant “Bodyguard-style” … but alas that didn’t go over too well. So I hobbled my ass out of the restaurant in the most awkward fashion humanly possible, and vowed to burn said sandals as I lathered up in Neosporin and soaked my aching feet. 

Once the blisters healed, and the pain subsided … I gave my ritualistic burning of my gladiators another thought. I loved them. I would have kissed them, if that wouldn’t be so strange. How could I part with them?! And that’s when it hit me. Just like with pretty much EVERYTHING in life, no pain … no gain. I had to dedicate myself and my body and my pain tolerance to breaking these gladiators in. And if that meant my feet would get some scars, and I would have to invest in a lifetime supply of blister bandaids … then so be it. 

Flash forward to present day, and I can now wear my high gladiator sandals everywhere and anywhere without any tears. I suppose this feeling is comparable to Rocky running up the Art Museum steps … you know, jumping up and down, arms up like … “I’m the MAN!” Right? Okay maybe not THAT dramatic. But still … 

So when I came face-to-face with a similar situation with a pair of sandals I recently purchased that gave me 5 blisters in less than an hour and left my feet rather scarred, I had to tell myself the same thing. No pain no gain when it comes to cute sandals. You either suck it up and forge through, so you can arrive on the outside of breaking in a pair of sandals like a boss … or you could be a wuss who gives up and has to stare jealously at all the cool girls in their bad ass sandals that you cannot wear … because … well … you’re a wuss. 

So ladies … if you have a pair of sandals that you adore, but cannot stand the pain … forge forward. Keep your eye on the prize and work them in a little bit each day, even if that means doing a lap around your house and taking them off. The end result is worth all the blisters in the world, trust. 

Size 9: Always Out Of Stock

Screen Shot 2015-05-12 at 12.53.38 PMI remember being the young age of 10 when I became a size 9 in women’s shoes. It was mortifying, to say the least. I was a monster walking around tiny people who still resembled actual children, when I was well on my way to the “Women’s section” in stores, which made me feel super awkward. My height was something I knew I didn’t have control over, but my feet? Well … I did everything to make them not look like Big Foot’s relative … including squeezing my foot into shoes that were way too small for me.

Regardless to say, I have some foot problems now. I won’t go into the gritty details … but lesson here, kids is … rock your proper shoe size, no matter if it looks like you have clown feet and have to start shopping in the Women’s section of Payless that no longer offers cool Disney-inspired velcro shoes. 

Now … as an adult who has become one with her size 9 foot, I’m actually convinced everyone is a size 9. Want to know why? Because every time I find a sandal that I like … size 9 is gone. “Oh … do you want us to email you when they come back in … IF they come back in?” No. I want them NOW, dammit, NOW! 

My issue is I hate paying a lot of money for sandals. I always look forward to summer because no longer do you have to worry about purchasing $200 a pop pairs of boots, or $100 pairs of heels. Sandals, because of the less material factor, should be cheaper, right? RIGHT?!

Well … depends on where you go. Hence why my jam are websites like Forever 21. I’ve been buying my sandals there for years. It was my secret spot to get on-trend styles for like 20 bucks. Sure, they don’t last as long, and yes a pair of mine once broke whilst walking to the train (super fun day), but they get the job done for the most part. 

Nothing thrills me more than going onto Forever21.com for the first sandal buying event of the year. That was, until every style I immediately fell in love with was out of my size. Ummm come again? What in living hell is going on here? 

My mother, who has the perfect size 8, found her shoes, clicked and bought them. No problem. No wanting to punt her laptop like me. “Oooh I LOVE those” … size 9 unavailable. “Those are to DIE for!” Nope … size 9 unavailable. “I would literally stab someone to wear those sandals.” Welp … looks like I don’t need to, because size 9 is, you guessed it … unavailable. 

What gives, Forever 21?! Do you keep like 10 pairs of each shoe in stock? Or does everyone and their mother just know about my secret spot for cheap and stylish sandals? Like, I’m happy for you that people are buying your shit, but my God, can a sister just get ONE pair of sandals she desires? And no … I don’t want to be on a “waiting list” because who knows, by the time they come I may not even want them. Call me Veruca Salt, but I WANT THEM NOOOOOOW, DADDY! 

Apart of me wishes I had baby feet or gigantor feet … because good styles are ALWAYS available in size 6 or size 11. That isn’t just in Forever 21, that is everywhere. If you are a size 9 … forget it. The good styles never make it to the sale section, and the websites never have the styles you’re lusting over. Sigh. 

What I’m saying is, now that I’ve become one with my size 9 foot, I want to decorate them in the seasons best styles, and not have to pay an arm and a leg for them. Okay? So Forever 21, please get more quantities of your style in stock ASAP. Mama needs a new pair of shoes. 

Spring Shoes: Woof

af557433c196b9a2aaf06140a5454486Has anyone noticed how fugly shoes are this spring? I feel like I jumped into some weird time machine and zoomed back to my days in the 90’s when I would have sold my mother to have a full wardrobe from Delias (RIP).

Usually I’m over-joyed with the articles outlining the “top 10 must-have shoes for spring” as I fill my virtual shopping cart. And as it gets fuller and fuller, I contemplate ways of how I could afford them all including selling my body (just kidding … kind of … sort of :::shifty eyes:::). 

Now I’m staring at my computer screen making a really ugly face (think of an ugly cry face but without the crying) and quietly exclaiming to myself, “WHY.” Seriously. I’m in no way shape or form running out to get a pedicure to expose my feet in all of these eye sores. I’ll keep my over-the-knee boots zippered up, a-thank you very much.

What happened to the days of Carrie Bradshaw when shoes were like candy, huh? The ones that were sparkling, colorful, sky-high, and made you feel like a model running around the city. Now I just feel like everyone is going to be walking around this spring recreating a failed Spice Girls video. GAWL POWAH! I don’t know who these fashion editors are kidding, thinking I will put my shower shoes from college back on (yes I wore platform sandals in the shower in college, we didn’t have a great drainage system), but I shant. I SHANT, I say.

So without further adieu, let me activate your gag reflex because, well, misery loves company, am I right? And don’t even bother clicking on them thinking I’ll send you to the link because why on God’s green Earth would I do that to anyone? You’re we,come.

No.

Capture

Stop it.

image1xl

Insert Emoji Vom Face

Capture

Dear GOD why?

5319451625008_001_b

Seriously? My eyes.

image

Please, no more.

5319470521204_066_b