Apparently You Can Rent Ugly Now

CaptureI bet you’ve been wondering where the frick I’ve been. I wish I could say I was on the island of St. Bart’s chillin’ with my super cool friends on a super cool yacht sipping on super cool “Diddy approved” champagne. But alas, I had some sort of Black Death that led me to talk to my cats and my cats only in my bed for the past couple of days. But enough about that :::cough:::

I want to talk about ugly Christmas sweaters. A theme party that should have stayed behind with all of the other ugly things that went along with attending college, like dressing like a whore for Halloween and a whore for Christmas (sexy reindeer, duh?).

Back in my day :::adjusts dentures:::, we would go to the local thrift store or Good Will and see what kind of absolute crap we could find. And if that didn’t work, we would get all Martha Stewart on a sweatshirt and make our own. Any opportunity to show up to a party looking like an absolute a-hole was my cup of tea. No competition, no whose dresses is more bandaged than the other, or whose ribs stick out more. More like who has the most rad glitter encrusted Christmas unicorn sweater on to cover up the 15 pounds they’ve gained since Freshman year. It was comfortable, and my favorite part, you could pass out drunk it in … comfortably!

But kids, apparently “thrift store Christmas sweaters” just don’t fly anymore. Wasn’t the whole point of buying an UGLY sweater at Good Will was that it was ugly and you were only going to wear it once, so you didn’t want to spend more on it then what a case of beer cost. Right? I’m right, right? You know I’m right.

Henceforth why my brain exploded that Rent the Runway was letting fashion-forward broads rent ugly Christmas Sweaters. Oh I’m sorry, did Rachel Zoe pull these from her vintage archives or something? Does DVF have a line of ugly Christmas sweaters from 1985 that I was unaware of?

Why, dear God why, would anyone rent an ugly Christmas sweater? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. They aren’t even ugly! They are kind of charming as a matter of fact. And my God, that just defeats the whole purpose. You aren’t supposed to walk around bragging about where you got your ugly Christmas sweater. “Mine’s vintage.” Well yeah, mine was previously worn by a crazy hobo who thought birds could talk to him.

True, I loathe the idea of an ugly Christmas sweater party. I’m 27 years old. If I’m going to a holiday party, I’m going to rock my style …and maybe add a little Golden Girls sparkle flair, not sip spiked cocoa with a bunch of adult nerds giggling over whose sweater is the ugliest. It’s outdated and quite frankly, a bit vanilla. But to go so far as to rent one, well kids, that is just a little desperate. The whole point is that it must be U-G-L-Y. Ill-fitting, nasty, worn by some freak prior, and burns your retinas. If you MUST partake in this type of shindig, bring it on down to a thrift store. Help the little guys and spend $4 on some REALLY heinously ugly shit.

Ps. Rent the Runway I still adore you. Like a lot. And for Christmas I would LOVE if you were to open one of your boutiques in Philly. Just saying. :::wink:::

My Walk Down The Rented Runway

So to do a little refresher for everyone, I had my best friend’s bachelorette party Saturday and instead of pulling my hair out trying to find the perfect “night out on the town” dress that clearly doesn’t exist this time of year, I decided to Rent the Runway. So after looking at numerous dresses on the site and doing copious amounts of research on each dress (which happens to be easy since the site has live specialists there ready to chat with you, detailed testimonials from actual people who have worn the dress, their height and measurements included, as well as how certain body types will look in the dress), I landed on a Nicole Miller black number called “Party in the back (great name, right?).

I ordered the dress on Wednesday and with normal shipping it arrived late Friday afternoon. I was a bit nervous because yes, they do give you two size options, but unfortunately my back up size was unavailable, so I had all my dress dreams on one hanger so to speak. But it arrived in a lovely garment bag with a cute pink bag filled with information on the dress and complimentary fashion tape so my jiggly bits stayed in one place. A great way to kick-off the weekend if I do say so myself.

The dress experience was a huge massive ridiculous success. It fit me like a glove, and honestly I need to thank the fabulous fit specialists I chatted with for a good 45 minutes talking about my body type, what dress would be too short, what dress would be too tight and beyond … because at the end of the day she sold me on this dress that ended up fitting me like a damn glove. When I first got on the site I was definitely looking for the craziest designer I could wear instead of looking for the right dress that was not only cute, but would work with my body type. So word to the wise ladies, don’t let the designer label distract you. No one is going to know you’re wearing Chloe, they are going to know you are wearing a rockin’ dress that looks fabulous on you.

The only hashtag “fail” I gave the dress was when I first put it on I got a little excited because I thought it had pockets (and I seriously die for a dress with pockets), but it turns out that there was about a 2 inch rip down the side seam on the side. Whomp whomp. Luckily that was incredibly easy to stitch up, but still was a moment of panic I didn’t need.

Tomorrow I will pack up the dress in the pre-paid envelope they gave me and send it back to the land of rented dresses so some other fabulous lady can have a great night in it like I did. I’m actually a little sad about giving the dress back because it did fit me like a glove and honestly made me feel like a million dollars. Sometimes you need a little designer bling to give you that boost of confidence here and there. And for those of you curious, you don’t even need to get the dress dry cleaned before you send it back (genius, right?)

So $50 for a four-day rental, plus $5 insurance on the dress, plus $9.95 (or something like that) for shipping there and back … I would say totally worth it. I know a lot of ladies are nervous to Rent the Runway, but are always so tempted. Just. Do. It. BUT … do the proper amount of research before hand. Take screen shots of dresses you are interested in and send them around to your girlfriends, get their opinions, talk to the Rent the Runway specialists who rock, read testimonials, do it all and you will get a dress that is perfect for you. And honestly, if you are that nervous, you can rent ANOTHER dress for only $25.

For the girl with lots of events to go to who is sick of buying dresses for the sake of buying dresses and having them get sucked into the abyss of their closet never to see the light of day ever again … this site is a stylish girls dream come true. Renting dresses is the new black.

I Shall Rent Thy Runway

Do you ever feel like you can only find a fabulous dress when you aren’t looking for one? Because I sure as hell do. New Year’s Eve, birthdays, weddings … any big event, I cannot find a dress to save my soul. But an average weekend in the middle of summer when nothing is going on besides cocktails poolside, well … ¬†yes, that is when I find the home run of dresses and say to myself, “I don’t need this … even though it fits me like a glove and looks fantastic … yep I’m definitely not buying this.” And when those weddings, birthdays, and major fancy holidays arrive down the road, I will mentally shame myself for not buying said fabulous dress when I had the chance.

And here I am faced with a party that I need a great dress for … and yet, none in sight. Visions of amazing dresses I’ve let slip through my finger tips are dancing in my head, but I’m trying to not shame myself too much. If I was going to junior prom or perhaps a canteen at the local middle school, I would be in heaven with the dress selections in stores right now. But for a flirty and fun dress for a bachelorette party out in the city … well, I’m shit out of luck. Why? You go to the mall and it is like you can either look like a trashy skank, or like you are a business woman who doesn’t rock suits but still wants to look refined in a nice dress that covers all your lady lumps so they look business appropriate, or I’m 14 again with this short, crazytown nonsense with flowers all over it. Can I catch a break for the love of God? So I find myself wandering and praying to the Gods of dresses that one magically lands in my eye sight so I can pick it up, try it on and start twirling around in it like it was made for me. But, yeah … well that never happens.

Enter stage right … Rent the Runway. I’ve always toyed with the idea but like I’ve said in past posts, I am completely incapable of online shopping. I fill my cart but I can never pull the trigger. But because I’m restricted with time and will have absolutely no capacity to scour the malls more than I already have … Renting the Runway is my last resort. And let’s be honest, I have a closet full of dresses I’ve worn once, twice … maybe thrice … but that is it. So I could spend $50 on a dress that will get swallowed into my closet, never to see the light of day again … or I can rent a designer one for the same price, wear it once … and send its ass back to online-ville.

Can I just say, after doing much research and talking to people who have rented said runway … they rule. Not only does each dress come with a detailed description of which body type the dress would look best on, but it also tells you what kind of undergarments to wear along with true to heart testimonials from girls with specified age, size and height who have worn the dress. Genius … pure freaking genius. And if I wasn’t already sold, they have LIVE specialists ready to chat with you about the dresses you want more information on. I chatted with this fantastic woman today who allowed me to ask the dumbest but most necessary questions … and pretty much sold me on a dress. “Will the dress be too short?” “Will it be too tight?” “I’m 5’9 and a little curvy, will I look like a stuffed sausage in this dress?” I mean this beautiful soul stayed online with me for a good 45 minutes answering all of my idiotic questions until finally I made a decision.

I almost feel like it is too good to be true. Also, let me make this clear, I am not a spokesperson for RentTheRunway.com, they aren’t paying me, I’m not a “RentTheRunnista” … I’m just a girl who needs a fantastic dress … quickly. Have I gotten the dress yet? Well … no. And quite frankly I’m freaking out a bit. If it looks atrocious … even though they do give you a second size option for free … I’m worried that it just won’t fit my body right and I will have to go to this bachelorette party looking like a hobo. Well not a hobo, just in something I’ve worn before. And I know, I know … it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. But sometimes, with special events like these, you just want an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks … makes you sparkle from inside and out. And THAT, my friends, is what I’m looking for.

So don’t fail me now, Rent The Runway, I have all my eggs in your basket. There are definitely more pros to cons, which is comforting, but we shall see if I can get the zipper up on this designer number I’ve rented. I’ve rented a garment and I’m proud … until it doesn’t work and I try my best not to light it on fire for me losing $60. But perhaps that is why they give you insurance on the dress for an extra $5. Hmm … more to come on this later. Wish me luck, ladies and gents.