Why I Rush In The Morning …

I am not one of those gifted people that wake up with a great attitude. Until I commute my 45 minutes and have caffeine flowing freely through my veins, I am a mute beast. And because it takes the jaws of life to get me out of bed, I snooze 15 plus times, until I’m running so late that I have to think to myself, “Why in Jesus Christ’s name did I NOT do some of these things the night before?!” So my friends, here is what keeps me on edge when my feet hit the floor running the morning;

1. Brace yourselves, because this may shock some of you … but, I don’t pick my outfit out the night before. I know, I know I’m a fashion sinner, but hey, it’s summer, I have a lot of fantastic dresses, and I usually brainstorm and ponder what I’ll wear the next day whilst in the shower or before I fall asleep. It is like a mental sketchpad. Anyways, I usually think I have it all under control until I realize what I want to wear is in the laundry, or I can’t find it, or I feel fat and hate the idea, or just hate everything I put on until all of my closet is on the floor in a chaotic mess … hi, I am now 15 minutes late to work.

2. My nails. To some, perhaps giving yourself a manicure before bed is relaxing, to me I just want to hit my pillow. So when I wake up with crack whore nails, they clearly need to be fixed. So I wait until my makeup is on, my hair is did, my outfit is on my skin and paint away. Until I remember I have to put a cardigan on, or crawl behind my bed and unplug my straightener, or switch purses, and OPI nail polish NEVER dries. Hello smudged crack whore nails, welcome back.

3. Ironing, you saucy minx. All I wanted from Santa this year was a freaking steamer, but I must have been naughty for I did not get one. I secretly envy those chicks that look so crisp in their perfectly ironed outfits, so I take the time to plug in my iron and let it warm up as I brush my teeth. Yes, I have resorted to ironing hemlines and shirts with my flat iron (which actually works quite well when you’re in a pinch). If it were socially acceptable to look like a wrinkled mess, I would. Damn you, you crisp, put together ladies, ruining it for us all!

4. Where the hell is … EVERYTHING! Like clockwork, I forget at least one thing a day. My cell phone, my ring, my iTouch, my work laptop (which is the only thing I actually HAVE to go back for), but most of the time it is my sunglasses. I swear, it is like the minute they leave my face they fall into a black hole. They are necessary because life is WAY to bright in the mornings, and I like to ease myself into sunlight for crying out loud. Where art thou my a fair shades … no for real I have not the slightest idea where they are right now.

5. Gym clothes. Let me paint you a picture. I go from work straight to yoga and change at the gym, therefore I pack a gym bag, a.k.a throw shit in a bag as I’m running out the door. I remember pants, a top, deodorant … but oh yeah, forgot shoes to change into. So yes, I was that girl walking out of the gym after a great workout in yoga pants, a tank top, my hair in a bun, water bottle in hand and the shoes I had worn to work … which happened to be three inch caged heels. Classy.

On that note, I need to go to sleep so I can get up and be a hot crazed mess tomorrow morning as well. I like to think of all the chaos above as my natural form of Redbull. Cheers.