Backhanded Compliment … Meet The Back Of My Hand

tina-fey-thumbs-downWe’ve all been there. We look good. We feel good. We want to strut a little. Then all of a sudden you run into “that” friend. The friend that loves nothing more than to investigate what you are wearing, doing, and seeing with a fine tooth comb. That person mine as well be a hurricane that will wipe away and destroy all the goodness you have going on with one simple comment, that goes something like this: “I wish I had the confidence to pull off something so see-through.” Umm … wait what? Are you saying I look good and confident, or are you really telling me my outfit is see-through?

When you receive a compliment, all you should be doing is blushing and saying how flattered you are … and a little taken back by how nice this person is being. Your hand will go to your heart and your face will shift as your are saying “Awww!” and then you will say, “oh my GAWD … THANKS!” You might even give them a little friendly shoulder punch. It will feel like a breath of fresh air. It will feel like spring time with no humidity. It will feel like the first sip of wine after a heinous week. It will make you glow.

Backhanded compliments, on the other hand (no pun intended), deserve to go to the back door. What is the damn point?! Are you THAT insecure that you feel the need to insult me, yet don’t have the balls to follow through so you just sugar-coat it with a little positive adjective to make me feel all warm inside?

You know when you’re given a backhanded compliment when you start to say, “thaaaan…” but stop and say, “wait, what?” instead to yourself. You still say, “thanks” minus the blushing and the feeling of taking that first sip of wine after a shitty week feeling. Because really, you are trying to dissect what the person just said to you and see if it truly was a compliment. Most of the time, if you are scratching your head in confusion … it was a backhanded compliment. I think we should change it to something more delightful like, “YOU JUST GOT BHC-ed!” I’ll come up with some hand motion to go with it shortly. Hey, it’s a work in progress.

Now I get it, you are probably saying, “seriously … what the hell are you talking about. Maybe you should stop being so paranoid and just accept a compliment when it is given and stop being a bitch,” But let me give you a taste of some common BHC’s that you (probably) have encountered. And then I will do the “I told you so dance” … ahem:

“You’re so fortunate that you can go shopping so much when you don’t have family and a mortgage.”

“It’s so refreshing to meet someone who likes simple things.”

“I love that you don’t care what people think!”

“You’re so brave for wearing that.”

Grrr ::shaking fist::: just stop. Everyone stop BHC-ing one another, for the love of sweet Jesus. Didn’t your parents teach you, “when you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?” They probably did, except some asshole found a loophole, also known as backhanded compliments and that is how people get around it. Listen, you either like something or you don’t. I don’t think people should shell out compliments unless they are REALLY passionate about something. Like if I see a girl walking down the street in shoes I would sell my mother for, I would say, “hey …random girl … those shoes RULE!” And then she would think I was hitting on her … and probably run away, but come on, you know what I’m saying!

So I challenge you all to give a REAL compliment today. Don’t bring someone else down just because you are feeling shitty and jealous … just do it. It will feel good. If it doesn’t … well, there is always wine.

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Real Talk: One Stall Bathroom Etiquette

Photo credit: http://chloes-vintage-nostalgia.tumblr.com/post/21556591157/caron-paris-powder-puffs-and-perfume-3-the-puff

Photo credit: http://chloes-vintage-nostalgia.tumblr.com/post/21556591157/caron-paris-powder-puffs-and-perfume-3-the-puff

This weekend, I found myself in a crowded, trendy bar/restaurant with a full bladder and a dire need for a cocktail. I know … I know … you are wondering, “dude, seriously? Where are you going with this story.” But trust me … it’s going somewhere, I promise.

I truly don’t understand the restaurants that put their bathrooms in a place that require people to have to stand around tables of other people eating until it is their turn to relieve themselves. “Sorry I swear I’m not hovering … just waiting for the bathroom, but wow those enchiladas look delish!” Annoying, right? Well anyways, this where I found myself. So let me explain the bathroom situation (I won’t blow up said restaurants spot since, well, their food and cocktails are to DIE for). There is one room for the ladies and one room for the gents. Meaning you walk in and lock the door behind you, leaving a line forming outside. So the woman in front of me, who was rather fancy looking, left her friends, who looked like they were ready to peace out of the joint, and entered the bathroom.

Now … who knows what the hell was going on. And I’m not going to make any guesses because, well, that is just rude, and I’m a lady … but this woman took FOR-EV-ER. Like obnoxiously long. To the point where there was like five people standing behind me waiting … yes, that long. To the point where I was getting nervous that the door wasn’t really locked and I was just waiting outside causing a line for nothing (I’ve totally done this before) even though I saw the broad go inside. And to the point where the five girls behind me started chatting with one another, including myself, which is THE WORST. I hate “girling out” whilst waiting to pee. Am I the only one?

So you know when you are looking for a parking space at the mall and see a person get into their car in a SICK spot, so you put on your blinker and wait for them to back out, but they take their sweet time? My Nana used to say, “oooh look, she’s putting on her makeup and combing her hair.” Again … I don’t want to make any assumptions because this woman could have been sick for all I know, but I just had this feeling that something like this was going down. And that enraged me even more.

FINALLY … she opens the bathroom door, looking more glamorous than ever in her little white sundress … and makeup bag … YES … makeup bag, in hand. I resisted temptation to trip her. Not only was I going to pee my pants, but I had a freshly poured margarita waiting for me at the bar. She flipped her hair and frolicked over to her friends, kissed her boyfriend with her freshly glossed lips, and went on her way. My newly found best friend waiting behind me looked and said “it’s about time … and I right?!” I smiled politely and went on my way into the bathroom.

I was in and out. Peed, washed my hands, checked out my hair, all in under a minute, or at least I thought so. It was impressive enough for my new line BFF to say, “girl you are QUICK!” Want to know why I was quick like a bunny? Because I was aware that my newly found best girlfraaaands were waiting. And they are human beings who probably have lonesome margaritas waiting for them as well and don’t want to spend their moments out on the town hovering around strangers eating glorious meals waiting to pee.

What I’m saying, ladies, if you are in a restaurant with a one stall bathroom … maybe don’t feel the need to apply another layer of makeup, flat iron your hair, and file your nails. It’s just not cool. Unless you are having some personal problems, which again, I don’t want to discuss because that would be weird … and gross … you have no reason for taking more than 2 minutes. None. That’s why Jesus invented compact mirrors that fit nicely in your handbag. It’s a-okay to powder your nose at the table. Why? Because I said so. If there is more than one stall, powder your face in the bathroom, girl. Do it up. Hell, paint your nails. But when you know people are waiting, be kind. Be conscious. Because then you leave people like me out in the wild with a bunch of talkative girls who I don’t know, thirsty and about to pee my pants.

A Naked No-No

Photo credit: W Magazine

Photo credit: W Magazine

This is a public service announcement sponsored by a somewhat street-wise woman who knows better.

Ahem …

Rule number one of womanhood: NEVER. POST. NAKED. PHOTOS. OF. YOURSELF.

Never. Like never ever. I don’t care if you are a nudist, a person who is allergic to every kind of fabric there is, or someone who just loves their body and wants the rest of the world to love their body, too … don’t. do. it. God didn’t just create amazingly gorgeous pieces of clothing … or Marc Jacobs for that matter … for funsies, am I right?

The reason I’m ranting is because of the latest Scout Willis drama that went down yesterday. The girl took it upon herself to march around Manhattan topless in order to “stick it to Instagram’s nudity policy.” Jesus Christ … excuse me while I go bang my head up against the wall.

I’m in no way shape or form a prude. I would never classify myself as a “square.” And I’m pretty open minded when it comes to shit. But I’m also a realist. And the real fact is, when you share naked photos with a person … no matter what social media platform you are on … they will inevitably be seen by other eyes. Oh that cute boy from science class wants to see your taas? Just one pic, then he’ll delete it? Bull. Shit. Trust no one with your nudies. Because if you do, your life will, somehow, some way, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow … will be tarnished. OMG that amazing dream job interview you landed and are 100% qualified for? Yeah … that will be a dream come true! Your life will be amazing. Oh wait … not so fast, nudey mcgee. The HR department found a pic of you on the interwebs showing off all your giggly bits. And there goes the golden ticket. Seriously … who wants to go down like that?

So Scout Willis, maybe use your “celebrity” and take to the streets supporting a more prominent cause … yeah? Oh … I don’t know, like the 200 girls who got kidnapped by complete religious psychopaths, or the hundreds of missing people on that Malaysian airline that no one can find, and their mourning families that don’t have answers … perhaps the huge mental illness epidemic our country is suffering from, leading to numerous violent shootings … or maybe the next tragic weather disaster to strike anywhere. Literally. Anywhere. Because letting impressionable young ladies/and naive older ones know it is okay and should be okay to post naked photos of oneself on the interwebs is DEFINITELY something worth everyone’s time. So keep flower picking with your taas out on the streets of NYC. We all appreciate it.

Psyche.

Listen, do what you please. Let your freak flag fly. I’m not going to judge. But social media taking a stand and not allowing people to post these kinds of photos is a step in the right direction, because nothing good can come from them at the end of the day. Tip of the cap to you, social media channels. I mean hell … I don’t even like seeing my naked body in the mirror, let alone in my Instagram feed. Why the hell would I expose my Instagram followers to that nonsense? You’re welcome.

Alright … rant complete. Whew.

Full Of Admiration

9c7dc8490a9cbf193954119d345dd0e4As a writer, blogger, editor, creative soul … every single moment I’m looking for inspiration. And sometimes, on those lucky days, it isn’t something you have to seek out. It could be as simple as noticing something new that you walk by every day, or, you know, a cool door (not going to lie, I ALWAYS roll my eyes at door Instagram pics and restrain myself from making sarcastic comments). But hey … inspiration comes in different forms for different people.

A professor of mine in college once told me that you need to write every single day. It is like exercise. And yes, there are some days when all I want to do is punt what I’ve written and light it on fire … but I’ve learned to just send it out into the universe and see what comes of it.

What really revs my writing engine and makes me want to trek on, even at hopeless moments, are the fellow fashion and lifestyle bloggers out there. Joining this community several years ago, I braced myself for cut-throat attitudes, bitchiness, and to be on a lonely blogging island by myself, desperately trying to get my name out there, which sometimes feels like a needle in a stack. I was armed and ready. To my surprise, though, this community might be one of the most supportive and encouraging ones out there. Weird, right? I was floored. I still look at my support network in awe.

Maybe it’s the fact that Mother’s Day is right around the corner, and I find myself reflecting upon all the strong women that are in my life … but I just felt the need to give a shout out to my fellow lady lifestyle and fashion bloggers who make me want to keep on keepin’ on. I think it is SO ridiculously important to praise the ones that inspire you, motivate you, and guide you to become better at whatever the hell you’re doing, and I suggest you do the same.

So here are a few of my blogs that inspire me (and if I didn’t mention you PLEASE don’t take offense. It doesn’t mean I hate your face and your blog, it just means I admire SO many of you that I don’t want my readers scrolling for hours down multiple hyperlinks.)

 

How Weird Can You Go?

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Photo credit: http://www.businessinsider.com/coachella-crazy-outfits-2013-2013-4

Lately I feel like people are obsessed with out-weirding one another. I blame hipsters. “Oh your hair is purple? Well MY hair is a rare shade of purple AND I shaved the sides of my head.” “Oh yeah? Well, I not only dyed my hair purple, but I ALSO have a green under tone and then got a tattoo of a unicorn on the side of my head.” I mean I could go on for hours.

Everyone wants to be the first to do something. Everyone wants to be original. And you know what, there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for something. But there is a thing called taking it too far. Kendall Jenner, I’m looking at you, lady. Kindly remove that Givenchy oversized nose ring and listen up.

Yesterday I found myself frolicking through the interwebs when I stumbled upon a new trend known as “Palm Bracelets.” Yes. We are now blinging out our freaking palms, apparently. And yes, it is basically a bracelet you were just too lazy to slip on the rest of the way so you let it rest on the palm of your hand. In the words of Miranda Priestley, “groundbreaking.” I guess everyone will be high-fiving their enemies now. #Ouch. And that is about when I threw my fists in the air and started shaking them violently screaming, “WHY?!?!”.

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Photo credit: http://www.vogue.com/vogue-daily/article/palm-cuffs-and-handlets-a-new-kind-of-bracelet/#1

I’m all for originality, and “Normcore” makes me want to curb stomp a pair of Keds. But when we are making up products/accessories just because we’ve hit a wall of originality … that is where my problem lies. For example, you can now put your Instagram pictures on your nails. Wait, what? Yeah … I’m scratching my head, too over that one. Social Media and nail care do not walk hand-in-hand down a beach being kissed with a sunset, alright? Instagram pics on your wall, in Polaroid form, on your newsfeed … GREAT! Makes total sense. But I don’t want to see the rad dinner you had last week at some really obscure vegan restaurant with the Kelvin filter over it on your middle finger.

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Photo credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/14/nailsnaps-kickstarter_n_4965498.html

Nose rings. Love the idea. Not for me, personally … but I like them on others. Small hoops, diamond studs … I think they all give people the opportunity to express themselves. BUT … when you decide to take a hoop earring, and no, I’m not talking small hoops, I’m talking, “let me take my hoops off so I can smack a bitch,” sized hoops, in your nose? Really? Come now. Kendall Jenner … yes, more than half of America is under the insane spell your family has put on us. You say jump … we say in what designer shoes. But could you not think of anything else besides putting a massive hoop in your nose? Now everyone has this dazed look in their eyes like, “Must. Get. Massive. Hoop. Earring. In. Nose. Kardashians. Rule. Me.” So, Kendall, thanks for that, really. The entire fashion industry is starting a slow clap for you right now. Can you hear it?

Kendall-Jenner-M

Photo credit: http://www.thefashionspot.com/buzz-news/latest-news/394893-so-theres-this-kendall-jenner-wears-oversized-givenchy-nose-hoop-to-coachella/

And finally … Coachella. Ground zero. Where all the madness is crafted. :::Sigh::: Listen, I wish I could have experienced Woodstock (the original, not the weird one they had in the 90′s). And I love the fact that music festivals still exist with an environment that allows people to feel free and comfortable to wear whatever they want. I adore that. I’m ALL about dressing for self expression. If I attended Cochella, hell yes I would let my freak flag fly, because sometimes you want to wear something that isn’t office or real life appropriate, and may cause people to think you belong in an insane asylum (isn’t corpoate life grand?) But outside of the walls of Cochella would I wear a flower wreath around my head, neon short-shorts, a fringe top, and a massive ring in my nose? HELL NO.

So what I’m saying is, stop the movement of trying to out-weird one another. Seriously. Stop. We can see right through the “cool vibe” you are desperately trying to put out into the world and instead see that you are trying a wee bit too hard. Be true to yourself. Be true to your style. Strive for something, but not to be the strangest person walking down the street … if that is not who you truly are.

That is all.