Making Love To The Camera … Wait … What?

Ugh. Pictures. I remember the good ol’ days in high school and college where if your friends didn’t have a charged camera out with you that night it was like the end of the freaking world. We were all huge camera whores … posing and what not, well more like drunkenly duckfacing, unfortunately. Now if a camera comes near me I turn into like Awkward McAckwardson. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the trauma I caused myself looking at all of the god awful pictures throughout the years of me looking like a hot mess. Fine, I’ll be generous, 84% hot mess, 16% decent. It really isn’t my fault though … who takes pictures when you are sober in college … I mean really.

So tomorrow, in this cool “adult world” I live in … I have to get my photo taken for work purposes. Luckily it will be a really fun photo shoot, taken around a really cool,quaint town where we are supposed to let our personalities shine. Right … well when you are a bit camera-shy, like yours truly, this is a little nerve-wracking. I have a lot of personality … or so I think. But how to express that through a photograph? Who the frick knows. Should I wear my Sam Edelman studded stilettos? Sure, if I want a picture of myself lying face down on the ground after I bite it. Should I wear my over the knee boots? Sure, if I want my co-workers and clients to think I’m a straight up street-walker.

Listen, I’m a firm believer that in life there are photogenic people and non-photogenic people. And for the non-photogenic people there is a beautiful thing called Photoshop. Why are some people photogenic? I have no idea. Some people could look heinous in person but gorgeous in pictures and vice versa. What is the logic? For those of you who ARE photogenic … I loathe you. You just turn around and SNAP … perfection. For me it is more like … “wait, let me position my head the right way, and don’t take it from that side … and wait, wait, wait no, don’t do that side angle shot. No laughing pictures, I look like an out of control freak, and wait a second, my arm kind of looks like a sausage in that picture.” I mean … it is a God damn mess.

So what I’m going to try and do is become one with my inner … Cher or something. Hair flip and all … “hooooooo.” I don’t know how models do it, really. I mean moving constantly … jumping up and down and not looking like a fool. Acting surprised, then mad, then like a tiger. I really give them so much more credit than they deserve. Not that I’m comparing  what I’m doing tomorrow to a Vogue photo shoot or something (I wish). But I have a feeling if Vogue knocked on my door and said they wanted to do a spread on me I would immediately get my Kate Moss on.

As you can see I’m a bit apprehensive. It reminds me of that Sex and the City episode when Carrie goes to that photo shoot for the New Yorker, I do believe still drunk and hung over in like a wife beater and jeans and they photograph her looking like a flaming hot disaster area (see photo above).

In situations like these though, the awkward ones, when you are around good people like I am lucky enough to be, you just gotta laugh your way through it, have fun … and you know … embrace your inner Cher. Send Kate Moss vibes my way tomorrow, kay thanks!