My Day With Ombre

Screen shot 2013-03-24 at 8.29.38 PMPerhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was curiosity. Perhaps it was my desire taking over me to do something “edgy.” Who the hell knows. But L’Oreal’s Ombre in a box called to me … and yes friends, I answered.

Now I didn’t just go into Target, spot the product and say, “oh yeah … let’s fiddle with some bleach on my very processed, overly straightened hair.” No, absolutely not. Mama did her research. I watched the YouTube video reviews … which, gotta say … I kind of regret. 1. The girls are 85% super annoying, all focused on being Rachel Zoe and looking super maj in front of the camera and not focused on the important things like, oh I don’t know … how to use it perhaps (not all … but most). 2. They all put these fears in my head, like, “OMG her hair turned bleach blonde after 45 minutes, must not leave it on that long. Lesson Number 1 that I learned: Everyone has different hair. Just because the girl reviewing has long dark brown hair like you, doesn’t mean she is you. This was the best video I watched, which of course came straight from the L’Oreal source, because they show you how to apply the product properly. God knows if that is even a real hair stylist. They could have found a hobo on the street, glammed him up and gave him a French accent for all I know. Regardless, very informative, and very necessary before you apply.

Screen shot 2013-03-24 at 8.32.21 PMSo then it was time to take the plunge. There is something really exciting, fun and terrifying about dying your hair a new color that I love. Once the color was mixed, I dropped my first layer of hair down and applied the dye to the nifty little application brush (the black thing seen in the photo to the right), which rocks at first. But word to the wise, you HAVE to make sure you hair isn’t the slightest bit tangled, otherwise it will get ripped out, you’re been warned. The reason I wasn’t really down with the application brush is because I found you had to put a lot of dye on the brush, and by the time I got to my ends, I really had to brush hard to get all of the dye on your hair. The brush is deep so all the dye goes straight to the bottom, making it a bit tricky to get it all out. But Lesson Number 2 that I learned: Slow the eff down. I’m always in a mad rush to the next thing. And while dying my hair, it is like someone is threatening me with a knife telling me to get it done as fast as possible or I will get cut. I have this sick fear that if I don’t rush, some hair will be all sorts of different colors and I will have to spend the rest of the day in the fetal position crying, “WHY??!?!” (probably why I should leave it to the professionals, huh).

And then began the waiting game. The rules are you wait 25 minutes, and with Screen shot 2013-03-24 at 8.30.18 PMyour gloves, remove some of the dye from your ends to see if your hair is as light as you would like. If it isn’t, apply more and check it in 5 minutes … and continue for up to 45 minutes. Do you know how insane it is for a girl with dark brown hair to sit patiently as blonde starts invading the darkness? Umm hello? I paced, I ate Starbursts, I stared at myself in the mirror for waaaaay too long, I made shoe art and Instagrammed it, I texted people freaking out, I paced some more … I mean, the clock couldn’t move slower. So after 25 minutes, I checked … wait … oh right. The dye is extremely hard to remove with gloves to see if your hair is “light enough.” I don’t know what that hobo turned glam French stylist was thinking. But I could tell that the back of my hair was getting lighter than the front, so I said screw it and applied more. I waited 5 more minutes, checked again. Still nothing. Hmph. I applied more. Waited. And all the while, that YouTube chick danced in my head like, “OMG my hair definitely turned a bit lighter than expected … uuuhhh whoops,” with a devastated look on her face that I couldn’t shake. She had left it on for the full 45 minutes. When I got to 30 minutes, I dove head first into the shower. Aaaaaaaaaaand ::::fade to black:::

Screen shot 2013-03-24 at 8.30.44 PMI bet you are just DYING to know the results, right? Like so curious? Well … Lesson Number 3 that I learned: I will never be blonde. I think my hair repels it, to tell you the truth. I don’t have a drop of blonde on my head right now, but instead I have this like reddish, lighter brown ombre thing happening, which I don’t hate, but the part that kills me … no one has even noticed, hmph. I just wanted to be “edgy” DAMMIT! The experience was definitely, “MEH.” And man did it do a number to the ends of my hair. Even using the conditioning shampoo that it comes with, I have this scarecrow hair from the Wizard of Oz thing going on that I’m not too fond of. But that’s what you get for using any sort of bleach-product I suppose.

Any who am I regretting this decision immediately? No. Am I bummed that I got less than mediocre results? Hell yes. Would I recommend? Of course, refer back to Lesson Number 1. Listen, I would rather do an experiment for $8 than have a stylist do it for $100, ya dig? Now excuse me while I go make an appointment with my colorist so she can get me back to normal espresso brown … a thank you very much.

Ps. What is up with the chick’s hair on the ombre box? Seriously … they couldn’t find a better model with ombre hair? Because that ain’t cute, L’Oreal … no one in their right mind wants to look like that.

To Ombré Or Not To Ombré … That Is The Question …

It’s about a bazillion degrees outside right now and normally people with long hair like myself would probably be contemplating chopping it all off at this very moment in time, where I am currently contemplating how to reinvent my hair color.

I first dyed my hair when I was 18. Everyone told me not to do it because once you start you can’t stop … but of course I thought that was all hogwash. Only until I saw the ugly roots, faded color and gray hairs pop up is when I finally said to myself, “dammit, NOW I get it.”

So after seven years of dying my hair I have been every shade of brown possible, a red-head (all I wanted was a red tint and I ended up looking like freaking Debra Messing … did I have the balls to tell my hair dresser he ruined me for the end of my senior year in high school… nope), I went through a black hair phase when I thought mixing my own color was a good idea (hello Elvira … it was hot), a cherry chocolate color that rocked in the beginning and then after a few more dyes it started to turn this gothic looking red. I went through a phase in college when my hair looked like a faded, mixed color mess because I was too broke to get it dyed (we’ve all been there), I did the whole highlights thing … and for the past three years or so I’ve been this great rich dark brown color that I’ve been obsessed with. But after three years … I mean come on, I’m bored. Literally yawning at my color as I speak.

Some people self-express through tattoos, interpretive dance, making cupcakes, I mean whatever floats your boat … I personally dye my hair. My next hair color adventure I want to go on … ombre, duh … all the cool kids are doing it. No seriously, I’ve been wanting to do it for months and months and months but resisted temptation because I was in a wedding in May and was scared that I was going to look like a hot tranny mess. Now … I have nothing stopping me. EXCEPT … well, I over think everything and here are my most relevant and recent fears, ahem:

  1. I will look like Kei$ha. Yeah … I love the dark roots and lighter tips look … I really do … but sometimes it can be drastic and dirty looking, which makes me think of Kei$ha … and quite frankly I don’t want to pay $200 to look like I live in a trash can down by the river. I am a lot of things, but trash can chic ain’t one. Seriously, who gave that chick a career?
  2. My hair is pretty dark right now, which means they are going to have the bleach this shit out of it … which equals damage and pain. Ever had bleach touch your scalp? Hurts like a mofo kids… like eyes filling up with tears pain. But beauty is pain … I suppose, or I just need to find a salon that serves booze.
  3. It is expensive as all hell. And quite frankly, it is a pretty specific process and can go wrong real fast … so I should pay top dollar to have it done right and well instead of getting half priced Suzy to do it and have her bleach all of my hair off or something ridiculous like that so I’m left with like two strands of hair to braid.
  4. Going blond scares me. I know I wouldn’t be going all blond, but still. I’m a brunette at heart. Let’s put it this way, if brunettes had a gang, I would probably be the leader and wear lots of leather in a Joan Jett kind of fashion. And I feel by dying my tips blonde … well, I may be losing a part of that. Okay, I’m officially cray-cray, I know. Me as a blonde, weird. Straight. Up. Weird.

So there ya have it. I’m going through something right now where I need a little edge to my hair. I will probably end up doing ombre and then I will have to live in a van down by the river because I will be broke as a joke after it is all said and done … but I have a feeling it will be worth it, at least the adventure aspect of it.

Jessica Biel is my ombre muse (see picture attached) … even though I loathe her face because Justin Timberlake promised to marry me since I was 13 … and she has ruined all of that :::Sigh:::, but I digress. Any comments, criticisms (constructive for the love), or thoughts are welcomed with open arms.

Maybe I do need a little Kei$ha in my life to feed my need for “edge.” And then in a couple of months I can crawl back in my boring brunette hole.