I’m A Warrior Queen, Live Passionately Tonight …

Happy 2012! Welp, I survived New Year’s Eve. Even though I desperately wanted to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and stay in watching Meet Me in St. Louis eating a Cup O’ Noodles in my grandma-chic PJ’s whilst wearing pearls, I put on my best party clothes and hit the town. No, a drunk girl in a pink sparkly dress did not accost me … and I did not get cranberry and vodka spilled all over my satin shoes, in fact, it was a ridiculously splendid night. But if anyone asks I was just in it for the sparkly New Year’s Eve hats.

2012. Like I said I name my years instead of making silly resolutions and this year I was inspired by “Marry The Night” by Lady Gaga. Listen, love it, learn it. I don’t know what “Marry the Night” means … it kind of immediately makes me think of street walkers, but that is neither here nor there. But every time I listen to it, it makes me feel so empowered and like all I want to do is rock out “flash dance-style.”

To all of my fabulous readers, I hope every single one of you had a lovely New Year’s. 2012 will be full of fantastic things for Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra and I can’t wait to share them all with you!

Now, if you will excuse me … I have a slight headache to tend to.

New Year’s Eve Precautions: Convert To The Clutch

Does everyone know what they are wearing on New Year’s Eve yet? Because I sure as hell don’t. I did see one thing I am lusting after, and that is this Judith Leiber-esque clutch. I’m obsessed with it. This just proves that I have a severe accessory addiction. I have the shoes, I have a clutch that I am lusting over, yet no outfit. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I literally will be the woman who lives in her shoes … and handbags for that matter.

But the right purse on New Year’s Eve is an absolutely must-have. I have to over emphasize that as a matter of fact. I love my hobo bags, my bowling bags, and my ridiculously oversized bags that I’m pretty sure I can fit a human body in, or a bunch of cats at least. But all of them … do not have the New Year’s Eve stamp of approval.

Let’s think about the circumstances. No matter where you are, you are going to be an insanely crowded space, and no one likes being continuously smacked by a purse as you try to make your way through the crowds. That is how you make enemies real quick in a bar, let me tell you. If you smack that drunk girl in the pink sparkly dress with your oversized purse, no matter how fabulous it is, she will send her overly drunk army of skanks after you. Beware, I warned you.

I realize how tempting it is to bring a big bag out. Once you get to the bar, you can then throw everyone’s shit in one bag … it’s genius. All your boyfriends stuff, your itty bitty jacket you wore out to pretend like it was a full-blown winter coat, but clearly isn’t because you just wanted to wear something you could stuff in your oversized bag so it doesn’t get lost, pre-gaming supplies, all you friends shit. I totally get it. But honestly, having to lug something like that around is not only cumbersome and awkward to carry, but annoying. Leave it at home, ladies.

I mean think of all the nonsense you have in your handbag right now. Nail files, three tampons for no reason, seven chewy jolly ranchers, two mirrors, a huge ass wallet (that I covet), two pairs of sunglasses, a notebook to write all of my random thoughts down, cell phone charger, SIX lip glosses (I need an intervention) and the list goes on and on and on.

So here it is ladies. Exactly what you need in your purse to survive New Year’s Eve.

1. A wallet. Not just your normal wallet, but like a wallet that literally is the size of a credit card. No need to take the whole thing out, space is limited. Take cash, your license, back up ID, a credit card for emergencies, health insurance cards and anything else that is vital in case you fall into a ditch or something (knock on wood).

2. Lip gloss. Don’t be like the lip gloss addict I am and carry six out. Choose a signature color for that night and call it a day. And maybe a Chapstick in case you will be mackin’ it when the ball drops, or is this just the lip gloss hoarder in me talking?

3. Cell phone. ‘Nough said. Most of us twenty, thirty, forty-somethings have iPhones, Droids … but regardless, no one has a Zach Morris phone anymore, so every one of them should fit in any clutch. Also, keep them charged and don’t be that guy who brings a charger to the bar. Bartenders won’t have time for your shenanigans, trust.

AND THAT IS IT. If it doesn’t fit in the clutch, it doesn’t go to the bar.

Think of all the time you will save by not drunkenly rummaging around in your bag all night. Will you need a pad of paper to write deep thoughts on during New Year’s Eve? No. “Dear Diary, I’m so drunk right now I can’t even stand. I could really go for some french fries, oh that guy is hot, I bet he would be a good kisser, do I look fat, Forever Yours … Kate.” What? No. Don’t be that guy who brings her whole makeup bag out either. If it wasn’t good when you walked out of your house, it won’t be any better when you are piling even more makeup on drunkenly in the bathroom. Trust.

Get the smallest clutch you can hold in one hand and enjoy your night. The less baggage the better ladies, the less baggage the better.