Some Thoughts On My Monocle

So when I got home from work today I decided I needed my surroundings to be refreshed, meaning I had to do an intense spring cleaning of my room, do the loads and loads of laundry I’ve been ignoring, and really just organize and make everything spic and span. For some reason I can think clearer and gain more motivation when everything is in order. I love me some chaos sometimes, but when too much chaos makes my head spin, like it is right now, I resort to neat-freakdom to gain some sanity.

But going through old clothes and pounds of costume jewelry led me to fondling my lovely monocle. Yeah, I know what you are thinking … “why in Jesus Christ’s name does this chick have a monocle … and why the hell is she fondling it?” Well, first of all … they are bad ass, okay … Judgey McJudgersons. But in all honesty, my monocle stemmed from a quest I was once on. My family is BIG on quests. We get our minds wrapped around something and obsess and obsess (not in an unhealthy way of course) about finding this one thing. It becomes a fun and silly thing to talk about. For so long my only want in life was a disco ball, and when people FINALLY stopped thinking I was joking and realized this was like a dream of mine to own one and therefore gifted me with one, I turned my eye towards monocles.

I became infatuated with the idea of monocles, as a matter of fact. I really enjoy old school things and adopting them into my every day. It is like taking different decades and making them apart of who you are. A monocle to me, besides odd and kind of funny, is really romantic and dapper. It reminds me of Charlie Chaplin and men in proper suits with watch fobs. Yes, what I am saying is, if I saw a guy wearing a monocle today, I may or may not swoon a bit. But I digress.

So when I would say to people, “I really want a monocle for Christmas,” they would laugh and think I was crazytown. I get it … what does a 20-something girl need with a monocle, honestly … even looking back it seems a little crazytown to me now. But for my 24th birthday, my God Mother made all of my monocle dreams come true. Where did it come from? She never really told me, which kind of freaks me out … but I’m going to assume eBay. I also decided I didn’t care where it came from and instead would make up my own story about how it got passed down from great, great, great grandpa Woodriff once he retired from his professional career as a tap dancer on a train that travel across country … or something along those lines … details, details.

My monocle is just one of those vintage-looking items that you look at and say “that is so cool in an abstract way.” Gold trim, a longer part with a tiny heart at the end of it so you could hold it to your eye. And the most bazaar part of it all … my lucky number is 4 (I’m not sure if you are supposed to tell people what your lucky number is, but it is vital to this story so screw it) and the number 4 is imprinted on the back. Cue creepy music from the Twilight Zone. The lens itself it a bit cloudy, but honestly … my great, great,¬†great grandpa Woodriff only wore it for stylish purposes only. :::Wink:::

I bet you are wondering what I did with this monocle at the end of the day, right? Well no … I didn’t use it for seeing purposes. Instead, to hold it dear to my heart, I made a fabulous chain necklace out of it. And honestly, it is the greatest conversation starter. It also really weeds out the fantastic people in life who embrace and understand my weird obsessions with things like monocles and the people who suck and look at me out of the corner of their eyes with disdain. “What do you have around your neck, that’s really different?” “It’s a monocle.” “A what now?” “A monocle.” And THERE is when you know you either have a friend or you are talking to a complete asshole and should walk away immediately.

So why am I going on and on about my monocle turned fabulous necklace? Well … it is a warm memory for me and reminds me how important it is to make things your own … in every aspect of life. Owning your oddities and turning them into talking points might be one of the healthiest things for a person. For me, being able to wear my monocle necklace and talking about it openly was a reminder how comfortable I am in my own skin … most of the time, it is always a work in progress.

My next quest I do believe will be the watch fob. As much as I love fashion, I know so very little about mens fashion … well, I do know that I wish it would partially go back to the days of proper suits, hats and canes … but that is besides the point. But men, I’m going to help you bring back the watch fob. So help me Jesus … watch fobs … so hot right now … watch fobs.