Insert Trendy Hurricane Comment Here

Well, the rain has started and I do believe I saw a tree branch sway back and forth. No, I am not one of those people laughing at this bitch of a storm known as Irene … in fact I am quite scared and nervous of her wrath as I am in her rapture path.

And as I sit here endlessly watching Anderson Cooper and his cronies stand by a shore with a yellow rain jacket on while high winds try to knock them down, anticipating this storm to hit … I’m feeling the boredom creep in more and more.

So I’ve brainstormed some entertaining and easy ways to take your minds off of Hurricane Irene, earthquakes … or quite frankly any other bazaar rapture type natural disaster you may be feeling.

1. Drink. Drink a lot. After I got the basic “survival-esque” stuff, I went straight to the liquor store. Since most Saturday plans will be washed out (literally), mine as well bring the party to you. Perhaps try a cocktail you have been dying to experiment with. My new favorite is the French 75. A shot of gin, fill the rest of the glass up with champagne, a teaspoon of sugar and a squirt of lemon. Classy and delicious. Hurricane approved.

2. Get all September fashion mags and the celebrity dirt mags. I’m talking Vogue, Bazaar, Elle, W, People, Us Weekly. They are incredibly thick and studying them closely will take up a significant amount of time. I currently have all of the above and I’m absolutely itching to read the Kim K. People Mag. Not until A. The storm gets really bad and I need distraction and B. The electricity goes out and all I will have left are these mags to distract me from hurting someone.

3. Get organized. If 80 mph winds and flooding rain doesn’t motivated you to do this,  I don’t know what will. Take this time to organize your closet and drawers. Throw out old makeup, be reintroduced to makeup that you have forgotten about, start of a people of clothes you would like to donate. Make your closet look exactly how you’ve always imagined it to. Turn on some good music and go to town.

4. Give in to some of those wacky nail polish trends out there. Get all of your nail polishes out and play around with some interesting designs and colors. (This also could be extremely fun if there is no power and if you are half in the bag.)

5. Pull together some interesting new outfits. I always say this about my closet that there are probably numerous different things I can pair together to make a really cool look, but never have time to do it, so I always wear the same garments in the same way. After you’ve organized your closet, start taking things out and putting them together. So what if they look crazytown, if anything it will be a great distraction and a great laugh. Perhaps play a game of who can create the most outlandish, Gaga-esque look.

6. Get some effing sleep for a change. Yes, Saturday nights are usually meant for debauchery, drunkenness, dancing, talking too loudly, laughing too much, cursing, dressing to the 9’s and rubbing against strangers. Hey, Hurricane Irene is in town doing all of that for EVERYONE on the east coast, so take this time to get some beauty sleep. Put on a face mask, perhaps some relaxing music (if you have power), and pass the hell out. Hurricanes are fabulous excuses to not look like a loser for staying in on a Saturday night.

Alright everyone, God speed. Please be safe in this crazytown weather. Hurricane Irene, be gentle … the east coast has already had an earthquake that we didn’t know what to do with this week … and now you? Enough.

Be gone Hurricane jerk.