Are Fast Fashion Gowns The New Big Game Ad?


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When I saw someone post on Twitter that the gorgeous dress Ciara rocked to the Met Gala was made by H&M, my first thought was, “that’s a stupid typo. Man, they must feel like an idiot.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some H&M. I still get a kick out of people complimenting me on my statement necklaces and then rocking their world by telling them it was from H&M and only cost $30. Yeah. $30. 

But when I think of H&M, I think Cochella, acid washed short shorts, basics in every shape and form, Micky Mouse crop tops, and where fringe goes to die. Not Met Gala glam. Not even close. I don’t even think I could find a dress to wear to a wedding that wouldn’t expose all of my jiggly bits there, to be quite honest. 

H&M ended up outfitting Ciara, Hailee Steinfeld (she’s a person, right?), Jennifer Hudson, and others for the Met Gala, AND styled SJP last year! I mean where have I been?! 

It makes you wonder why a super star with endless amounts of connections and resources would choose to wear H&M to the Met Gala, especially when they most likely have Gucci, Chanel, Zac Posen, and every other haute couture designer at their fingertips. Why rock a brand that styles every average shmoo with stylish looks for under $50?

The Met Gala is known as the “Super Bowl of fashion.” So why don’t more “fast fashion” retailers style celebs? It’s a walking advertisement. It’s that million dollar 30 second ad during the Super Bowl (I feel like I can’t say Super Bowl, but I’m doing it. Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl), except walking down a red carpet for much less money, and even more exposure. Kind of genius, when you think about it. 

Annoying As Balls E! News reporter: Kate! Kate! Who are you wearing?!?!

Me: Well, I’m wearing Zara for Zara off Zara tonight :::flips hair … falls flat on face walking up the stairs mid-hair flip:::

And also, umm H&M, I want that dress. I want all of those dresses. I get it, I doubt the dress is being made the same way the Micky Mouse crop top is, but that doesn’t deter me from wanting it. Ciara’s dress made me literally drool. It’s gorgeous. GIMME!

Unfortunately black tie, or bridesmaids dresses, or even wedding gowns has this stigma of only being purchased in stuffy bridal boutiques, or expensive department stores. But to have the luxury of looking as put together and chic as Ciara did in H&M for a quarter of the price? Umm … sign me the fuck up. “Oh shit, I just randomly got invited to this Black Tie event, what do I do?! Ahhh life!” You could just bop on over to H&M and call it a day. 

Look we women want ease and we want to look fantastic doing it. We want to look like we spent 8 hours getting ready for an event but in reality barely spent an hour because God dammit we only have a fucking hour. So if fast fashion retailers want to start making Met Gala-level gowns, I wouldn’t turn my nose up to shit like that. Nor should you.

Balmain For H&M … Do You Dare?

Screen Shot 2015-10-16 at 2.37.47 PMI like to think you all know me by now. I pretty much wear all black. I’m a hop, skip, and a jump away from being a cat lady (and I’m totally cool with that). And I loathe when designers partner with retailers like Target. Simply because I believe designer clothes are something you have to work for, and not something you should be allowed to pick up on your way to get laundry detergent. 

But people can change … right? 

I gotta say … the Balmain for H&M collection is pretty dreamy. So dreamy that I’ve considered even being one of “those” people who get up crazy early, wait outside in a line full of freaks for the doors of the store to open, and throw bows to get my prized item. Yep. It has happened. What can I say … a good collection can have that affect on even the snarkiest of folk. 

Yet all I see are all the insanely rad fashion bloggers out there like, “Ew. Why. Stop. My eyes. :::Yawn::: :::Hair flip::: :::Sip latte::: :::Instagram lipstick left on latte cup:::” 

But personally … I could give a shit. Simply because A. the collection looks decent and I’m a fan of the designer (and not because of the Kardashians, okay :::shifty eyes:::) and B. more importantly … I’m terribly curious to witness the launch of one of these designer meets retailer collections go down. 

I’ve never had the balls, simply because seeing women go insane and lose their shit and all of their manners just to score some piece of clothing with a designer label on it for H&M prices (which, hi, makes absolutely no sense) makes me wildly uncomfortable. Like palms sweaty, anxiety-ridden uncomfortable. 

Unfortunately, and sadly … really, really sadly, it has been on my fashion bucket list to witness an event as such. I have no idea why. Maybe I think it will be funny. Maybe I’m slightly addicted to the drama of it all. Maybe I’m a writer and this is the kind of crazed shit writers enjoy. Who the eff knows. 

I’m also really scared. Scared of what the sight of cheap designer goods does to the women of the world. Scared that I will literally get punched in the face by an insane women reaching for the same thing as me. Scared that I will get tripped and fall on my face, breaking all of my teeth, only to be left on the floor of H&M bleeding with not a care in sight. And scared I won’t get anything. Dammit, if I’m waiting to get into H&M for crying out loud, mama wants some cheap Balmain

So November 5, if anyone is feeling crazy and wants to wake up super early with me, I’ll be waiting in line at some H&M trying not to get murdered. I’ll buy the donuts, you bring the mace. Let’s do this. 

Until then, let’s drool over all the insane looks, shall we? 

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