Who doesn’t adore a lazy Sunday of nothing but VH1 specials like “I Love The 90’s.” And of course when the video for “Can’t Touch This” comes on, we all get the urge to jump in front of our TV’s and do some fancy “Hammer” foot work moving right to left at lightening speed (or maybe that is just me).
Regardless, that fancy footwork would have been nothing without those infamous “Hammer pants.” Baggy, crotch ending around your knees and tight around the ankles in funky fresh patterns and colors. Hammer’s career barely survived the 90’s and I was absolutely positive those pants died with his career as well … until recently.
While shopping, sometimes you come across a garment that looks so right when you approach it that you feel the need to investigate further. Is it a skirt, perhaps wide legged pants, maybe even a tube dress or jumper? But Hammer Pants? Really? At this point ladies, slowly put down the garment and walk away from the rack, it is the right thing to do.
Yes, Hammer pants do have that allure that make you wonder if one of those fabulous ladies that get photographed on the streets of France or in front of Lincoln Center during NYFW for “Street Style” would ever wear something like this. The answer is no.
When making a fashion statement, one at least would like to wear a garment that flatters some aspect of their body, and these pants do not. Your hips, legs and backside all get lost in this massive overdose of fabric. The worst part is that the colorful, eccentric patterns they are showing them in give the illusion that you are much bigger than you actually are! I mean I put too many hours in at the namaste studio to have it all get lost for the love of God.
Perhaps someone thought it would be funny to bring these back or maybe people are finally ready to bring back the 90’s like we have so aggressively been bringing back the 80’s for years. Regardless, let us make a pact that Hammer pants will be left on YouTube, VH1 specials and probably in some closet archive of the 90’s fashion scene.
Let me be clear: These pants ARE NOT too legit to quit.