Adults And Halloween

il_340x270.659559187_t73uI adore Halloween. Always have. Well … maybe not so much during my college years since I went against everything I believed in and went as the “sexy” version of non-sexy things … I mean I suppose that is what you do in college. The pictures are cringe-worthy, though, and no I won’t share them with you. Sigh. You live and you dress as a sexy cat and you learn.

This year Halloween falls on Friday, and quite frankly, for adults, that rules. We all secretly would love nothing more than to throw our inhibitions to the wind and go beg for candy … although alcohol would definitely be involved. Clearly. But alas … we cannot. Because it’s weird. So instead of passing out in front of our TVs watching the Peanuts Halloween special on ABC in a candy coma like we once did, we pass out drunk in our kitchens after an energy-filled rendition of Thriller. Not … that I do that … or … anything … :::shifty eyes:::

Being that Halloween falls on a Friday, it really gives us adult-like creatures an excuse to be anything but ourselves. Which is a beautiful thing. But I keep hearing people stressing about costumes and what to be and having nowhere to go. Last year I had a place to go and dressed as the horrifying twins for the Shining. To this day it was the best thing I’ve ever been … turns out I thoroughly enjoy horrifying people. This year, I don’t have anywhere to go, but I DO have this insane urge to wear an amazing mask and maybe some black lipstick. I blame Margiela for this. But if I had it my way I would wear one every single day. Aren’t they dreamy?

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Instead of cursing your friends for not having a fantastic Halloween party, or having no one to go with to that exclusive party at “da club” (which no one should ever do … like EVER), or not coming up with an insanely creative costume, I’m taking this as my golden opportunity to wear the things I secretly covet, but don’t wear outside of Halloween because people would look at me like I was crazytown … like a Margiela mask. And I suggest you do the same. Secretly love the Kanye West-inspired leather sweats? Rock that shit. Dreaming of wearing a tutu over your jeans? Now is the time, people, now is the time!

Halloween is the one day a year people cannot judge you. Unless you dress as the sexy version of something, well then people will totally judge you and call you a slut, whether to your face or behind your back. It’s going to happen. Just own it. But if I wanted to wear black lipstick and a mask, no one could talk shit because it is Halloween, for crying out loud. The day when anything goes. And if you do talk shit about people embracing the holiday, well, you straight up suck. Lighten up, bud.

So instead of desperately trying to be a sexy mouse, duh, I challenge you to wear something you have always wanted to, but never had the balls. You don’t have to be defined as something, necessarily. By stepping out of your bubble and rocking an outlandish something or other, like Gaga-esque shoes, or a ball gown for the hell of it, I believe you’re embracing the holiday spirit.

Now excuse me, I need to go work on bedazzling my Margiela-like mask, because GAWD knows I cannot afford the real thing.

For The Love, Don’t Go To a Halloween Store

Sweet Jesus. I only frequent Halloween Stores for specific accessories, and this time I was on the hunt for a top hat. I found one, but A. there was no mirror in sight, B. the top hat was $10 (Hi, I’m cheap) and C. As I put the silly top hat on my head, I almost immediately regretted the decision as I had no idea who or what had tried the hat on before me. Ick. I then high tailed it out of that joint.

So I thought to myself, if I never ever want to step foot into a Halloween Super Store with heinous children running amuck, skank costumes hanging pathetically on a hook, and random items throw about with god only knows what all over them … I decided to list a couple of Halloween ideas for the girl who wants to be someone else for the night while looking fabulously fashion forward and chic.

1. Black Swan- First of all, the makeup itself is to die for. The big black eyes, the burgundy lips, I mean you can take the all white face or leave it … the eyes alone are the definition of sexy. Put on some hot tights (whore it up all you want), a tutu or some tulle-esque skirt, feather it up, a black tank top and a bling crown … and VUELA … you are Natalie Portman for the night.

2. Karl Lagerfeld- I know I mentioned this in a past post, but being an old man can be sexy because menswear … is sexy. So what if he is an old man, he speaks French and runs shit at Chanel. And if people don’t know who you are well … you probably shouldn’t speak to them anyways. This is a fantastic excuse to wear a lot of leather, like fingerless leather gloves, that is a must. Throw on a pair of tight black skinny pants, a white button down (another excuse to whore it up, if you must), a skinny black tie and a black blazer. Top the look off with some black shades and a skinny black tie in a bow. Leave the gray hair at home.

3. Slash- You know … from Guns N’ Roses … Sweet Child of Mine? No? Anyways, I’ll share a little secret with you, this is what yours truly will be rocking! And quite frankly another great excuse to wear leather. All you need is to ‘fro out your hair, in a sex hair kind of way, rock some black liquid leggings, a rock and roll t-shirt, or perhaps a leather vest, a top hat and some shades. Makeup wise, go for a red lip or a really smokey eye. You can even carry around a fake guitar and perhaps a bottle of Jack Daniels. You know, really inhibit the body of a true rock star.

4. Mod- I’m not a fan of wearing wigs all night at a party or out to the bar, but for this costume, you might need to. Luckily this is a really trendy look right now, so go for hardcore color blocking looks … but feel free to take it to the next level. Mix patterns, rock a black and white stripped dress with a pair of black and white polka-dotted tights. Wear some fierce pointy paten leather black heels or high to the sky go-go boots, straight blunt hair (with bangs if possible). Mod makeup is my fav. A dark black eye, with over accentuated lashes and a pink lip. If you want to have even more fun with this look, try a blue eye shadow (it isn’t as scary as it looks, I promise).

5. Olsen Twin/Rachel Zoe- Prepare yourselves because there is no way in blazing hell you can make this look sexy, but if you really don’t give a shit, go for the gold girl. Really all this involves is wearing a maxi dress/skirt, with a huge sweater over it, a pair of huge, ridiculous stilettos, a HUGE pair of sunglasses, a shocking red lip, crazed, non-brushed, wavy sex hair and wear a beanie, and walk around like a troll saying things like “BA-NANAS, I DIE,” or if you are an Olsen twin, just look 100 percent stuck up with a puckered lip. Hello lazy lady’s halloween costume.

In the meantime … I’m still in search of my fabulous top hat.

To Dress Like a Skank, Or To Not Dress Like a Skank … Halloween 2011

I think the movie Mean Girls said it best when referring to girls and Halloween, ahem, “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

When I was in high school, I always took the funny route when picking a costume … or used it as an excuse to wear as much glitter as humanly possible since I was just wearing it to school. And I vowed to myself that when I arrived at college, I would not fall down the “dress like a complete whore for Halloween” rabbit hole where drunk co-eds rock lingerie, put on animal ears and called themselves a cat, DUH.

But when you live with a bunch of 18-year-old girls all trying to out-whore one another, all of a sudden dressing like an M&M doesn’t seem as awesome as it once was. Your eyes will glaze over and thoughts will run through your head like, “must … dress … like … skank.” I never wanted to be that girl, but I will share with you dear readers, that my freshman year, at a Jesuit University mind you, I was a Pirate Hooker. Yes a Pirate Hooker, a costume consisting of a shorter than short skirt, fish nets, a lacy tank top and a pirate hat (sorry mom). And when I look back at those pictures, my first instinct, after I stop laughing, is to burn them.

Now I live in this crazy place called the “real world,” where people celebrate Halloween at work, at bars and at the occasional house party … that is if you even still partake in this sacred holiday. I completely get that it is fun to dress slightly scantily clad because really, it is the only day you get … I truly do get the deliciousness of it all. But I gotta say, I despise those $50, barely there costumes so you can be the whore version of a firefighter, witch, nurse, cop and any other generic profession out there. Perhaps I’m just cheap, but so are those costumes. I can proudly say I’ve never invested and I’m even more proud to admit that I never will. Porn stars wear nonsense like that, not yours truly.

I, of course, still like to go the funny route when picking a costume in this “real world,” but I fancy making costumes out of my own wardrobe … aka never having to go into those horrid Halloween stores. I still love the fantasy of the holiday, but I instead make it about wearing everything I’ve always wanted to wear but never had the balls to. For example, there are many outlandish garments at Forever 21 that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to buy, but either never had anywhere to wear it or … again … never had the balls to rock, like leather pants. I like taking those things and turning them into a costume so I have an excuse to purchase and test out the trend … even if it looks crazy town.

The idea of being iconic figures is a fantastic option as well. I’ve personally been toying with the idea of being Karl Lagerfeld. Okay, so perhaps being a white-haired old man might not be the hottest thing in the world, but I’m obsessed with the idea of wearing tight black pants, a white button down (which you could sexify need be), a skinny black tie and some leather fingerless gloves. You don’t have to make yourself look like an old man either, you can do Chanel inspired makeup, a smokey eye, perhaps a popping red lip … as long as you have the Lagerfeld essence, you are good to go.

So what I am saying is, this is a great excuse to indulge in high-end fashion looks that you have been dying to try out. If people ask what you are, say “couture,” snap your fingers and walk away. Make it as sexy as you want, but listen, do not use this holiday as an excuse to whore-it-out for a night, that train has left the station for many of us. If you want to dress a little skanky because it will make YOU feel good, then go for the gold. I personally have a thing against investing in flammable garments (hello anything at Halloween stores).

Word to the wise: Think about it, would that guy be SO interested in what you have to say and all over you if you WEREN’T dressed like a sexy something or other  in an over priced plastic costume? Hmm … deep thoughts.