Size 9: Always Out Of Stock

Screen Shot 2015-05-12 at 12.53.38 PMI remember being the young age of 10 when I became a size 9 in women’s shoes. It was mortifying, to say the least. I was a monster walking around tiny people who still resembled actual children, when I was well on my way to the “Women’s section” in stores, which made me feel super awkward. My height was something I knew I didn’t have control over, but my feet? Well … I did everything to make them not look like Big Foot’s relative … including squeezing my foot into shoes that were way too small for me.

Regardless to say, I have some foot problems now. I won’t go into the gritty details … but lesson here, kids is … rock your proper shoe size, no matter if it looks like you have clown feet and have to start shopping in the Women’s section of Payless that no longer offers cool Disney-inspired velcro shoes. 

Now … as an adult who has become one with her size 9 foot, I’m actually convinced everyone is a size 9. Want to know why? Because every time I find a sandal that I like … size 9 is gone. “Oh … do you want us to email you when they come back in … IF they come back in?” No. I want them NOW, dammit, NOW! 

My issue is I hate paying a lot of money for sandals. I always look forward to summer because no longer do you have to worry about purchasing $200 a pop pairs of boots, or $100 pairs of heels. Sandals, because of the less material factor, should be cheaper, right? RIGHT?!

Well … depends on where you go. Hence why my jam are websites like Forever 21. I’ve been buying my sandals there for years. It was my secret spot to get on-trend styles for like 20 bucks. Sure, they don’t last as long, and yes a pair of mine once broke whilst walking to the train (super fun day), but they get the job done for the most part. 

Nothing thrills me more than going onto Forever21.com for the first sandal buying event of the year. That was, until every style I immediately fell in love with was out of my size. Ummm come again? What in living hell is going on here? 

My mother, who has the perfect size 8, found her shoes, clicked and bought them. No problem. No wanting to punt her laptop like me. “Oooh I LOVE those” … size 9 unavailable. “Those are to DIE for!” Nope … size 9 unavailable. “I would literally stab someone to wear those sandals.” Welp … looks like I don’t need to, because size 9 is, you guessed it … unavailable. 

What gives, Forever 21?! Do you keep like 10 pairs of each shoe in stock? Or does everyone and their mother just know about my secret spot for cheap and stylish sandals? Like, I’m happy for you that people are buying your shit, but my God, can a sister just get ONE pair of sandals she desires? And no … I don’t want to be on a “waiting list” because who knows, by the time they come I may not even want them. Call me Veruca Salt, but I WANT THEM NOOOOOOW, DADDY! 

Apart of me wishes I had baby feet or gigantor feet … because good styles are ALWAYS available in size 6 or size 11. That isn’t just in Forever 21, that is everywhere. If you are a size 9 … forget it. The good styles never make it to the sale section, and the websites never have the styles you’re lusting over. Sigh. 

What I’m saying is, now that I’ve become one with my size 9 foot, I want to decorate them in the seasons best styles, and not have to pay an arm and a leg for them. Okay? So Forever 21, please get more quantities of your style in stock ASAP. Mama needs a new pair of shoes. 

One Shoe Blues

ep50_carrie_tripping_runwayThis weekend I started doing an audit of my shoes since it’s almost boots season (eeeeeeeeeee), and I noticed that some, if not all, of my flip-flops and sandals need to be burned. Clearly I did some walkin’ this summer. Which brings me to what I call Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra story time. Gather around, kids … this is a story about probably one of most monumental wardrobe malfunctions of my summer:

As a preface, I would like to state that I was 87% sober when this event occurred. 

Picture it: Labor Day Weekend 2013. Made in America concert. Well … outside of the Made in America concert. My friend and I made this genius assumption that since there was only an hour left until Beyoncé went on stage ticket prices would absolutely be lowered from $150. Genius. Until some intimidating sales person told us, “NOPE still $150, ya comin’ or goin’, ladies?!” Cool. I wasn’t too bummed, though. The sea of trash trucks blocking off streets like something out of Batman (Christian Bale Batman, not Michael Keaton Batman), concert goers wrapped in American flags, girls who looked like Urban Outfitters threw up all over them throwing their iPhones at me to snap a pic of her and the beeeeeeessssssssssties in front of the Made in America sign … um yeah … let’s just say we backed away slowly.

So we decided to walk on down the Parkway for a nice stroll. A stroll that ended up us pretty much walking around the entire city, but I digress. More importantly, a stroll that my Forever 21 sandals that I had worn for two summers clearly couldn’t handle.

Now before you guys roll your eyes at me and say, “listen, I totally know where this is going and you are a damn fool for buying shoes at Forever 21,” I would like to say to you … CHILL OUT, MAN AND LET ME FINISH MY DAMN STORY!

Ahem, where was I? Ahh yes, the Parkway. It was a lovely humid evening, and the farther you got from the concert, the more the city felt completely abandoned. I found myself looking at black SUVs and wondering if young Blue Carter was inside with Momma Bey. Checking out the beauty of the museums. Enjoying light conversation about where to find margaritas close by with my friend (I told you it was really humid out). And then it happened. Mid-sentence I, out of nowhere, trip. In slow motion (at least in my head), my sandal literally folds in half as I lean forward preparing to fall (I probably made a really awesome face during all of this, too). Luckily my cat-like reflexes stopped me from actually falling, but when I looked down, I found the thong part of my sandal hanging on by a literal thread. How poetic.

There I was. At the end of the Parkway with my one sandal in ruins, picturing myself walking around the city barefoot, contracting numerous flesh-eating viruses as onlookers pointed and laughed, and desperately praying that Payless would pop up magically.

Since I had one thread holding my sandal together, I decided to use what the Gods gave me … and walk on, with my head held high. Well … I’ll use the term “walk” lightly. I ended up having to do this really strange swagger, and no, words just wouldn’t do it justice. I’ll let you use your imaginations for that one. Enjoy.

So the point of all of this is that I want to give Forever 21 a slow clap, and at the same time I would like to do a touchdown dance in front of all the Forever 21 shoe haters, because that sandal that was hanging on by an actual thread didn’t break for the rest of the evening. The little guy stayed strong. I was in awe. Sure I had to walk like an idiot for the rest of the evening, but at least I didn’t have to go barefoot and die. Am I right?

So the moral of this story is, Forever 21 shoes are not only cute, cheap, and awesome … but can pretty much withstand anything with a little hope and a lot of awkward swagger.

The end. 

If Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend …

… then $3 “silver” rings are a girl’s secret romance she has with a hobo living in a van down by the river … in the most fabulous way possible, of course. I am personally attracted to really fun and obscure jewelry. S0 when I stumbled across these long, silver rings at Forever 21 for $4.80, like this Pressed Detail Knuckle Ring, I immediately needed it on my finger. They have a lot of great, different styles that can give any outfit that edgy pop. No “diamonds,” or whatever Forever 21 puts in their jewelry to resemble diamonds, no sparkles … just straight up “silver” rings.

But with that $4.80, you are paying for a catch as well. These fantastic rings truly go all the way up to your knuckle, so when you go to wash your hands, do the dishes … or anything that involves hand to water contact, these rings will most likely get tarnished immediately, which is heartbreaking because they do look genuine to a blind eye.

So what are some preventative measures we can take to salvage our $4.80 purchase, because I’m personally sick of forgetting to take my rings off before washing my hands and then having to scream obscenities because I have just tarnished my ring.

Clear nail polish, what can’t you do? You stop runs in my stockings, you give my nails that extra shine, and now, you can SAVE my fabulous costume jewelry! Put a thin coat of any kind of clear nail polish that you may fancy on the front and back of your “silver” rings. The front is to shield it from things that may tarnish it, you know like water, pollution, life in general … and the back is to stop the ring from giving your dainty finger that evil green stain. Genius, right?

I was so upset when my Forever 21 ring got a little bit tarnished that I had to go out and buy another one, coat it in clear nail polish … and … so far so good! Doesn’t this inspire more costume jewelry purchases?