Drool With Me Now: Fall Fashion 2014

image1xxlOkay, I know we have a few more days until Labor Day, and I promised after bitching about the Polar Vortex last winter that I would do nothing but embrace every drop of sunshine and twirl in myriads of maxi skirts … but, yeah … I just made my first fall purchase. I couldn’t help it because I’m THAT ecstatic over summer getting the eff out of town. And yes, I truly intend to make out with said bag when he arrives at my doorstep, that is how much I adore him.

I’ve just had enough of sticky subways, makeup dripping down my face, and having to apply deodorant like three times a day, it’s unbecoming. And I want to punt my summer wardrobe. Listen, I’m not the girl who makes “mood boards” or “inspiration boards,” I have Pinterest for that shit. But the drool coming out of my mouth over fall fashion is excessive, to say the least. So I just had to share with you what I’ve been daydreaming about, right? Clearly.

1. Leather: Leather shoes, leather motorcycle jackets, leather shorts, leather underwear, leather all day err day (calm down, PETA, it will be faux or “hemp” leather … whatever is the politically correct way to rock leather)

11P10FBLK_normal2. New Over-The-Knee Boots: Oh yeah, they are still completely relevant and nothing brings me more joy than walking down the street in hooker boots “Pretty Woman” styley.

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3. Capes: Ya gotta bring the drama every now and then, and quite frankly I’ve been lusting after them since Lupita dropped the Cape bomb at the Golden Globes last year.

Capture4. Fuuurrrrr: I already own a faux fur jacket … and that clearly was my gateway drug to more fur, because now all I want to do is add to my collection. And quite frankly the fur they showed during fashion week is on POINT (seriously PETA, settle, I couldn’t bare to skin my cat and wear her, so this, again, will be eco-friendly fur … chill)

30C01GBLK_normal5. Removing Color Completely: Not that I wear a lot of color to begin with, but I’m really going to make a conscious effort to only wear neutrals. Black, white, beige, maybe a camel. Then if I’m in dire need of color (yawn), I’ll throw in something like a merlot-colored tote bag or something.

2014-Black-White-Outfit-Combination-Ideas-136. Bucket Bag: I’ve been on the fence about these bad boys, as I couldn’t decide if this was a bad 80′s trend revamped or a classic staple. I’m still not quite sure, but anything stylish that I can carry my entire life in is something I want to take a spin in.

23015591_927. Chelsea Ankle Boots: Swoon. The boot game this season is fierce, and where to begin can seem overwhelming. Welp kids, you start here, with the classic Chelsea boot in black. God speed after that.

Capture8. Extreme turtlenecks: If the Farmers Almanack is right, this winter is going to be freaking cold. True … turtlenecks have been connected with prudes and squares in the past, but the dramatic thick turtle necks that I literally could hide in and hibernate is something I can get behind.

elle-12-fall-2014-trends-extreme-tutlenecks-h-lgn

9. Novelty Prints: I gave up ironic t-shirts years ago, even though I did own the typical “Everyone Loves an Irish Girl,” shirt. Yes, I’m sick of seeing the overly ironic “Celfie” shirts, but I kind of like what some designers are bringing to the table … especially under an over-sized mens blazer. Mmm scrumtilescent.

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10. Textures: I’m very basic when it comes to fabric … I’m mostly a cotton gal. That “Fabric of our Lives” commercial should totally check out my closet, although I refuse to sing. But this season I want to dip my feet in the season of velvet, silk, satin, lace, and everything in between … hell, throw felt up in this piece.

Do Fall … And Do It Well … Dammit

I do a lot of things well … or so I like to think. So what I’m about to say may shock and appall you … and for that I’m sorry. But establishing a fall wardrobe is something I, indeed, do NOT do well.

I decided in August that I was going to get to the bottom of my issue. Why is it when it came to the season of fluctuating temps and falling leaves did I become green with envy over women dressed to the nines in bad ass outfits instead of going out and finding some of my own?

I would stumble through stores, leave empty-handed, drive home, run to my bedroom and cry myself to sleep on my pillow … tears streaming down my face wondering why oh why I couldn’t find anything :::cue violins:::. But with a little soul-searching :::pan to me staring outside my window, snuggled up, pondering life over a cup of tea::: I was able to figure out said issue. I had what they call Fall Wardrobe Overload … also known as “FWO.”

What are the symptoms of FWO, you ask? 

-Not being able to focus

-Trend anxiety

-Bleeding from the eyelids

-Not starting with the basics

-Nausea

-Excessive drinking

-Lacking in the wardrobe department*

*If you lack in the wardrobe department for more than three fall seasons, see your local stylist immediately.

My issue was that I had my sights set on things that were too trendy. I wanted sequins, and loud shoes, and fur collared everything, and accent pieces. Wrong … wrong … and wrong. Expectations get set too high when you go too loud too soon and you set yourself up for fall failure. It has taken me years along with blood, sweat and tears to perfect obtaining a great fall wardrobe with pieces I can style in numerous ways, and listen, if I can figure this shit out … ANYONE can.

So behold, my secret to the perfect fall wardrobe. Are you ready for this? Come closer, because I will only say it once: Start. With. The. Basics. Then work from there.

BOOM. My work here is done :::drops mic:::

It may sound boring, but if you find yourself banging your head against the wall because you can’t get your fall style act together … let me help a sister (or brother) out, shall I? Here is a breakdown of your basic fall pieces that every person needs.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.43.27 PM1. Start with Skinnies: Start with a gray pair and a black pair. I personally die for the ones at Old Navy. The price is right and I can kick, stretch and kick some more in them. And since I’m cheap (at least I admit it, right?) I try not to throw them in the dryer for fear of shrinkage. Girls gotta save for her dreams, am I right? And outside of Old Navy, I’ve been hoarding my favorite black denim from H&M for years. They are tight as shit, and you will have to dance and high kick a little to get them to move, but oh so worth it.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.44.44 PM

2. Sigh … basic flats. I know, I know … but hear me out. It isn’t fun when you are running 20 minutes late and just need a God damn simple pair of black flats and all you can find are studded booties and rhinestone encrusted open toed sling backs. Make the investment in a good pair of black, nude and leopard print (yes, leopard print, to me, is a neutral …get over it), flats. So when you ARE running late, you can just throw on any of these go-tos, which will pretty much go with everything and anything, and be done with it so you can haul ass to Point B.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.47.08 PM3. Shield Your Eyes From Saucy Boots: Over-the-knee hooker boots are my fav. If I could have closets and closets filled with them, I would. BUT … every lady needs a good pair of flat black boots and a good pair of flat brown boots. “Riding boots” … if you will. I was never a fan of brown boots, until I realized it gives a look, especially a fall one, a softer feel, where as black boots tend to give off a “dominatrix-ey” vibe. The OTK boots might be tempting you, luring you with their seductress ways … but remember, we are starting basic, here. BA-SIC. Take a cold shower and buy the basic boots … for the love of God.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.49.08 PM3. Get Down with the While Button Down: Okay, white button downs don’t just mean khakis from the Gap, tucked in with loafers. Woof. They make them a bit more … how you say … “jazzed up” now. Look outside of the Gap box and try stores like Nordstrom for edgier versions of the once boring button down.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 2.04.21 PM4. The Tits of T-Shirts: Call me crazy, but it is really hard to find the perfect fitting t-shirts. But when you find “the one,” it will fit perfectly. Its sleeves will be the right length. And you will throw you inhibitions to the wind and buy it in every color … and some you will buy two. Because they are a rare commodity. And know, you will wear them with everything. Don’t lie to yourself. You will. I’m already kicking myself for not investing in more of my favorite Abound t-shirts from Nordstrom Rack shown to the left.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.53.59 PM5. Rock the Trench: Yes, they are trendy right now … but they are forever. This is a forever piece. This is when you say, hey I want to invest in a designer piece, but I don’t know what to buy. You say: Burberry trench. Because you will literally have it until you are wrinkled up, old and gray.

Once the basics are obtained and you are cured of FWO … then go buy as much insane sparkle, spikes and studs as you want :::jumps up in mid-air:::

Do Fall … And Do It Well

I do a lot of things well … or so I like to think. So what I’m about to say may shock and appall you … and for that I’m sorry. But establishing a fall wardrobe is something I, indeed, do NOT do well.

I decided in August that I was going to get to the bottom of my issue. Why is it when it came to the season of fluctuating temps and falling leaves did I become green with envy over women dressed to the nines in bad ass outfits instead of going out and finding some of my own?

I would stumble through stores, leave empty-handed, drive home, run to my bedroom and cry myself to sleep on my pillow … tears streaming down my face wondering why oh why I couldn’t find anything :::cue violins:::. But with a little soul-searching :::pan to me staring outside my window, snuggled up, pondering life with a cup of tea::: I was able to figure out said issue. I had Fall Wardrobe Overload … or FWO.

What are the symptoms of FWO, you ask*? 

-Not being able to focus

-Trying to obtain too many items at once

-Bleeding from the eyelids

-Not starting with the basics

-Nausea

-Excessive drinking

-Lacking in the wardrobe department
*If you lack in the wardrobe department for more than three fall seasons, see your local stylist immediately. 

My issue was that I had my sights set on things that were too trendy. I wanted sequins, and loud shoes, and fur collared everything, and accent pieces. Wrong … wrong … and wrong. Expectations get set too high when you go too loud too soon and you set yourself up for fall failure. It has taken me years along with blood, sweat and tears to perfect obtaining a great fall wardrobe with pieces I can style in numerous ways, and listen, if I can figure this shit out … ANYONE can.

So behold, my secret to the perfect fall wardrobe. Are you ready for this? Come closer, because I will only say it once: Start. With. The. Basics. Then work from there.

BOOM. My work here is done :::drops mic:::

It may sound boring, but if you find yourself banging your head against the wall because you can’t get your fall style act together … let me help a sister (or brother) out, shall I? Here is a breakdown of your basic fall pieces that every person needs.

Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.43.27 PM1. Start with Skinnies: Start with a black pair and a gray pair. I personally die for the ones at Old Navy. The price is oh so right, and I can kick, stretch and kick some more in them. And since I’m cheap, I try not to throw them in the dryer for fear of shrinkage. Girls gotta save for her dreams, am I right? And outside of Old Navy, I’ve been investing in my favorite black denim from H&M for years. They are tight as shit, and you will have to dance and high kick a little to get them to move, but oh so worth it. Hell, I may start hoarding them one day.
2. Sigh … Basic Flats: I know, I know … but hear me out. It isn’t fun when you are running 20 minutes late and just need a God damn simple pair of black flats and all you can find are studded booties and rhinestone encrusted open toed sling backs. Make the investment in a good pair of black, nude and leopard print (yes, leopard print, to me, is a neutral …get over it), flats. So when you ARE running late, you can just throw on any of these go-tos, which will pretty much go with everything and anything, and be done with it so you can haul ass to Point B.
Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.47.08 PM3. Shield Your Eyes to Saucy Boots: Over-the-knee hooker boots are my fav. If I could have closets and closets filled with them, I would. BUT … every lady needs a good pair of flat black boots and a good pair of flat brown boots. “Riding boots” … if you will. I was never a fan of brown boots, until I realized it gives a look, especially a fall one, a softer feel, where as black boots always give me a dominatrix vibe. The OTK boots might be tempting you, luring you with their seductress ways … but remember, we are starting basic, here. Take a cold shower, and buy the basic boots, for the love of God.
Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.49.08 PM3. Get Down With The White Button Downs: Button downs don’t just mean khakis from the Gap, tucked in with loafers. Woof. They make them a bit more jazzier now. Look outside of the Gap box and try stores like Nordstrom and Loehmann’s … those stores are where you will find makers of the classic white button down who thought outside of the boring box.
Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 2.04.21 PM4. The Tits of T-Shirts: Call me crazy, but it is really hard to find the perfect fitting t-shirts. But when you find it, the one that fits perfectly, long enough with the right sleeve length, you buy it in every color … and some you buy two of. Because they are a rare commodity. And know, you will wear them with everything. Don’t lie to yourself. You will. I’m already kicking myself for not investing in more of my favorite Abound t-shirts from Nordstrom Rack, shown to the left.
Screen shot 2013-11-02 at 1.53.59 PM5. Rock A Trench: Yes, they are trendy right now … but they are forever. This is a forever piece. This is when you say, hey I want to invest in a designer piece, but I don’t know what to buy. You say: Burberry trench. Because you will literally have it until you are wrinkled up, old and gray.


You Say Goodbye … I Say Hello.

When I walked out of my house this morning, there was a familiar feeling in the air. A twinge of a chill that will forever remind me of going back to college or school in general. This is the time of year, for me at least, when change is the name of the game. Weather is cooling down, and like the tectonic plates decided to move and cause extreme chaos up and down the east coast yesterday (by the way, was I the only one that didn’t feel the earth move?), our closets will all go into transition mode.

But I’ve never understood those people at the end of a season who decide to move all of their winter clothes into Tupperware boxes or those dismal vacuum space saver bags and store in the attic for next winter to make room for spring and summer clothes. A. I don’t like the idea of Tupperware or vacuuming my clothing into plastic, B. I don’t trust leaving my clothes in a dark, damp, and weird space where God only knows what could happen to them … ick C. I like all of my clothing in one place … so what if I need super human strength to move through my closet, at least I know a random animal or colony of bugs living in my attic secretly didn’t eat them for dinner.

So if you are looking at all of your fantastic summer clothing and getting a bit depressed knowing that all the colors and frills will be retired after Labor Day … just … stop. Goodbyes suck, so why bother.

What To Salvage:

Summer Dresses: Since bright, vibrant colors are all the rage this fall, it is absolutely acceptable to keep these around. Strapless, spaghetti strap, one strap, crazy straps … or whatever other strap dresses you have acquired, throw on a pair of tights, a fierce pair of heels, a cute blazer and hello fall look, how you doin’?

Shorts: There is nothing more that I love in life than a pair of shorts with a great pair of tights underneath them, a cardigan and a pair of flats. Not only is it ridiculously comfy, but very retro chic. Perhaps this wouldn’t work with your jean booty shorts, but I always say, if your finger tips reach the end of the shorts, they are fair game to wear.

Maxi Everything: Parting WOULD be such sweet sorrow with my maxi dresses and skirts that I have collected, so I refuse. Even though they are beach frolicking and heat wave friendly, with a blazer and the right accessories you have yourself a lovely fall look. Ok maybe you might need to say farewell to the tropical print ones, but the solid colors I say keep around for the fall foliage.

Open Toed Booties: I know I’ve acquired a lot of fierce open toed shoes for the summer nights out, and when the weather gets a bit nippy, I know the urge to rescue your toes to warmth is overwhelming, but relax. Even the strappiest of strappy heels can be transitioned to fall and winter by rocking tights with them. Even socks are apparently socially acceptable to wear with heels now (even though I’m still on the fence on how I feel about this topic … more to come later).

Tank Tops: For the love of everything holy … tank tops are so versatile … yet they are such a symbol of sweltering heat and the summer months. When it doubt, no matter what time of year, if you find a cute tank top … BUY IT. Fall, winter, spring, summer … you can rock them solo, with a blazer (can you tell blazers are a must have this season?), a cardigan, layered under shirts and sweaters etc. etc. etc. Play around with them … but know they can always be used. They are a valuable resource, in fact I have a specific drawer dedicated to them. Be a tank top hoarder … no one will judge, I promise.

Lesson learned: Just say no to retiring your wardrobe into dismal Tupperware coffins.

Mmmm Fall …

We are in the fiery pits of summer hell right now people. I mean yay, summer, carefree, vacations … woo … but for real, having to function in over 90 degree heat everyday while trying to maintain a professional and chic look for work … I’m just over it. And as I got out of my car late the other night, I noticed a familiar breeze in the air with a twinge of a chill. Heaven can you hear me?

And with fall comes so many fabulous things to look forward to! Leaves changing, new fall wardrobes, the September issue of Vogue … NEW YORK CITY FASHION WEEK! And literally I am one of those freaks that considers the September issue of most magazines, W, Bazaar and Vogue mostly, as bibles. So when NYMag.com was awesome enough to give us a little sneak preview of the fabulous fall fashion ads from all the greatest designers, and after I stopped drooling all over my Macbook, I had to share with you the things that are making me survive these too hot to function summer days.

So behold the ads so far that I fancy the most and find fabulously bazaar featuring some of my most favorite designers and all the clothing I can’t really even afford to look at.

First of all it is Marc Jacobs. Second of all he is FINALLY making polka dots happen in such a major way. Who cares if a cracked out Helena Bonham Carter is his muse? Give me those gloves and that hat IMMEDIATELY.

Lagerfeld, Lagerfeld, Lagerfeld. This ad says nothing about the clothing, nothing about Chanel … in fact it kind of makes you want to go “what the eff,” but it is art and you have to bow down to it. Yes Lagerfeld, whatever you say master, I will dress like a mouse and hang outside of a photo booth as long as it is made by Chanel. What? You want to draw nonsensical words all over my face? Yes, master.

Alexander McQueen, God rest his soul and God bless Sarah Burton for kicking ass and taking names. These ads are so beyond powerful and disturbing. Due to the extreme success of the MoMA exhibit, I think we have to view the McQueen brand as art in fashion form. I could literally stare at these ads for days.

Tom Ford, this make up is tranny fierce, and I’m not even going to apologize for it. I was just thinking today about how I desperately need a striking, fire engine, come to bed red lip stick in my life. I’m also quite excited for all of these solid popping colors for the fall. Perhaps this is the fall where I don’t just wear minimalistic colors? I mean seriously, nothing is worse than people thinking they need to match the foliage outside … ick. Nope, just kidding, fall themed sweaters and turtlenecks … THAT would be the worst thing one could think of.

Holy lord, sign me up immediately for wearing proper hats in the fall. The idea makes my toes tingle, seriously. So Sportmax, I will literally take a piece of everything in this ad. But ladies, honestly, let’s make this hat trend happen. Come on, we made graphic tees, skinny jeans, neon sunglasses happen … we absolutely have the power to take it back to the 1920′s when women wore gloves, dresses, hats, and pants were a thing of shame. Men swooned and we looked damn hot. Ahh, the good ol’ days. Damn you Millennium.