On The Next Episode of Hoarders … Girl With Nail Polish Obsession

So yes, I went to the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale … which I don’t know if this happens to anyone else … but the minute I cross over into Nordstromland I get this insane urge to impulse buy. Like I felt the need to buy a pair of heels, because why the hell not. I was a ravenous beast wandering around looking for the one thing to catch my eye so I can hunt and attack. It was quite overwhelming … I may have even blacked out for a while.

And then somehow I found myself in the nail polish section of cosmetics, feigning over Butter nail polishes. I wish they had a four step program or something for when you are picking out these colors, because I was like an addict looking for my next hit, I couldn’t stop. I am obsessed with these polishes for the following reasons: A. They believe in color, not carcinogens … it says so on their website, so no funny toxins with names you can hardly pronounce. B. The names of their colors give OPI a run for their money because on their website they come with cute little descriptors, which makes the color even more desirable and personal. C. The quality. I mean for $14 effing dollars a bottle it better look like ACTUAL buttah on my finger … wait … that is such a foul picture I just drew for you all, scratch that, delete. (Ps. I did not pay $14 a bottle, I’m not THAT crazytown).

So … long story short I bought six of them. Eek … I mean judgement free zone people, I already admitted I had a problem for crying out loud. And now as I sit here writing, I’m itching to paint my nails millions of different colors like a crazy person. So here are the six little gems I made mine, which I HIGHLY recommend.

La Moss: For days I am feeling a little vamp-tastic. The color of a dark, deep red wine … almost black.

Royal Navy: For my punk rock, edgy days. Nothing is more fantastic than navy nail polish when you are in the mood to stick it to the man.

Chancer: If Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer were gay, I’m sure his nose would look like this: A red, glittery disco ball.

Union Black Jack: I’m not afraid to rock a pitch black nail polish. It doesn’t mean I worship Satan and label myself as “goth,” it just means I don’t give a shit.

Fash Back: Sometimes less is more, and this nude-ish shade is minimalism at its finest.

Come To Bed Red: My absolute favorite nail color to wear is poppy, fire engine red … and this is everything I love in life and then some.

I can see it now … my closest friends and family being interviewed for Hoarders. “I don’t know what happened. I walked into her room one day and she was living in a fort she made out of nail polish bottles and even designed a crown out of nail polish bottles and painted the words NAIL POLISH QUEEN on the crown.”

Big is the new small and Butter is the new OPI. Now enough talk, off to paint my feelings!