Last week I was reading an insanely interesting article on the Cut about two ladies who had been friends for years, and long story short, the one girl turned down the opportunity to be the other girl’s bridesmaid (definitely read the article, there is a lot more to the story … after you finish reading this masterpiece, of course).
It ain’t like the old days where you would be drunk under a disco ball and your friend would be all, “stand next to me when I get hitched :::twirl, twirl, twirl:::!” And boom … it was done. Now, if you accept a bridesmaid proposal, which is usually a cake pop or something with a poem about “something something, I don’t want to throw shade … but please PLEASE be my maid!” (I would make an awesome bride, clearly).
So what I’m about to say may shock some of you … but I’m doing it. Prepare yourself. Take a shot of vodka or something … because here goes: I think it is 100% okay to politely turn down the request of being a bridesmaid. And I think the bride-to-be, when presented with the right back up support of why you are turning down said request, should be 100% okay with that. You have a life, and shit to accomplish, and things to buy, and vacations to take, and cats to adopt. Adding being in a wedding to that mix can really stifle your life without you even knowing it.
This takes balls, mind you. But at the end of the day, it’s a rather large commitment and job. And no, “I don’t want to be in your wedding because I want to smack your future husbands face,” is not a legitimate reason for saying no to a bridesmaid request. Sorry, kids. Dudes suck sometimes, and your friends marry them … it happens.
So here they are, respectable reasons why you can say no to being in a wedding party. Better said then done, I know, but it will save you a LOT of drama, a lot of bitching, and a lot of shit you just don’t need in your life, if you so feel this way. Ahem …
Money: They say an average bridesmaid will spend about $1,000 … at least. And these bitches want money up front. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your fellow bridesmaids, “hey … I can’t afford this shit, can we figure something else out?” …
The solution?: Politely explain to the bride you’re in a financial bind and don’t think you could appropriately contribute to the costs of being a bridesmaid, and you’re afraid you will let the other girls down. A good friend will understand and probably still have you in the wedding. If she gives you shit, say “BYE FELICIA” and walk away … that isn’t a friend. Period.
Level of Friendship: While asking someone to be a bridesmaid is a big decision, saying yes is another. Think about it … how close are you to this girl? Do you talk every day, every week, every month, at least? Does she know what’s going on in your life and vice versa … or does she just want to say, “oh I have my childhood BFF in my wedding party”? Ladies, ask the people near and dear to your heart. They say you can count your true friends on one hand, and it is a scientific fact.
The solution?: If the girl asking doesn’t know who you are dating, where you are working, and hasn’t really been there for you (vice versa) say no. Blame it on anything … the rain, who cares. Just tell her, “hey, I love you, but I just don’t think I will be able to fully and appropriately commit to the duties of a bridesmaid right now because of what is going on in my life … and that isn’t fair to anyone. I hope you understand and know I want to be there for you through your pre-nuptial journey.” This may be the straw that breaks the friendships back … but if you felt your friendship was on its way to demise … why does it matter? And if it DOES matter to you, suck it up and say yes, freak!
Time: Everyone is SO busy, right?! Ahhh, life. Well … seriously, we all have busy lives. And being a bridesmaid takes time … whether you are attending a “brain trust summit” of how to shower the bride at someone’s house, or responding to endless Gmail chains of idiotic nonsense … you have to be present … mind, body, spirit … all of it. It’s like being a cheerleader, YAY MARRIAGE … (barf).
The solution?: If your schedule is overwhelmed and you’re overwhelmed … do not commit to being a bridesmaid. You will lose your fucking mind. Trust. Again, explain the situation. “I’m trying to make partner at my firm, or I’m building my own business and it REALLY needs my 100% attention, attention that I will not be able to give to your wedding, and that isn’t fair to you at all.” It’s selfish. 100%. So if you have the balls to go ahead with this, God speed. But, at the end of the day, the world doesn’t stop turning just because your friend decided to get married. You can be there for her and support her without wearing matching dresses with other broads you barely know. People forget that. But always consider your friendship before making such a drastic decision. Clearly.
*Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra takes no responsibility for the demise of friendships after the above has been put forth.