What Do We Do? The 2016 Presidential Election

I really was so above and beyond excited to sit here and write this post about how honored and thrilled I am to have a woman FINALLY elected president. I was going to talk about how I was probably still drunk from celebrating, and how my keyboard was covered in happy tears.

Welp, my keyboard is covered in tears, but they ain’t happy

Sigh. 

I haven’t had words for the majority of the day. I just have this horrific hallow feeling. Almost like I’m in mourning, which if any of you have ever mourned, is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. I just feel robbed. Depleted. And sad. Super sad. 

If any of you follow me on social media, or know me, you know how obsessed I am with Hillary Clinton. She has her flaws, and she may not be the coolest girl in the room, but Jesus is she inspiring and smart and just, well, so violently qualified to run this country. 

:::Sobs/blows nose:::

So the big thing now is where do we go? What do we do when we don’t want to get behind a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic, sexual assault offender as our commander-in-chief? (I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say the words that rhyme “Shmresident Lump). 

The truth is I honestly don’t know. A huge part of me feels like he will never be my president, because I know deep down in my being that he will never change. I mean, I could be totally wrong. I also thought America wouldn’t be stupid enough to elect him, and, welp, here we are, kids.

One thing I do know is the like-minded people I met during the Clinton campaign are still here. Whether it was at the DNC, at a bar, at my work … it was just so refreshing to see such smart, like-minded people come together to trump hate and stand on the right side of history (that unfortunately did not prevail).

We all got Trumped, HARD, but our voices did not. And we need to remind ourselves of that. 

I see so many of my friends, mostly female and from the LBGTQ community, worried, even sick about their future, and it breaks my heart. Fuck, I’m scared. Like do I have to quit my job, marry an investment banker, and learn how to bake!? I DO NOT WANT TO. AH.

I have family members who are on Obamacare now worried that they won’t be insured come 2017. This shit is REAL

Look, we are all entitled to deal with this loss the way we wish. If you’re pissed, be pissed. If you want to “be united” and “more forward,” please do so. Me? I want to eat carbs and watch Hillary Clinton’s concession speech over and over again and cry on my couch. Do you. Just STAPH preaching on Facebook about how people should deal. It’s annoying as fuck and no one cares. 

Hillary may not have won, but I’m standing with my ladies, with my LGBTQ community, minorities, and to all the people who feel like their livelihood is in danger. Because I am one of those people. Know that we are the one’s that make America great … fuck we make America FANTASTIC. Period. 

And if “Shmresident Lump” can’t get behind us, well then, I guess I’m going to live in my little bubble where love is love, walls aren’t a thing, equal rights exist, acceptance prevails, women can do the same thing as men, if not more, and men don’t sexually assault women and get rewarded for it. I’m okay with living in that bubble the next four years. I really am. 

Hillary … my sweet, sweet Hillary :::sobs:::. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for making me feel like I can achieve anything I put my heart and soul into. Thank you for making me care about politics again. To me… you shattered that glass ceiling.

And girl, I hope you are taking a BOSS vacation. Like I hope your team rented you an island and you have a staff at hand that can just cook you amazing dinners, bring you tropical cocktails around the clock, and wait on you hand and foot. HIRE INA GARTEN. YAAS. You deserve it. Look if you need me to plan this glorious vaca for you, I will be happy to do so. Call me, we’ll have cocktails. 

So there you have it. If you want to cry, bitch, scream, sob … you know where to find me on the social channels, yo. I love you all. Dearly. You know who you are. 

Sigh. 

love-and-kindness

Fear And Loathing Of Snapchat

sub-buzz-32211-1470077639-7You may want to throw shit at your computer screen after you read the next sentence, but … I hate Snapchat. Like a lot. I really do. 

Is the app downloaded onto my phone? Yes. Only because I want to “stay in the know” and not become an ancient tech dinosaur that says things like, “how do I subscribe to the interbweb?” But do I use the app? No. Well … unless I’m incredibly intoxicated. Or need that insanely amazing filter to make me look not so gargoyle-ish (you know which one … when even if you have 105 degree fever it still manages to make you look fantastic). 

The reason I loathe Snapchat is because I feel like it is turning everyone into a straight up narcissist in the worst way possible. 

A perfect example was when I was at a bar recently. Instead of drunk girls dancing, it was drunk girls Snapping. Groups of girls huddled close together, one holding her phone all the way out in the air, as they lip synced to that dumb ass song, “you ain’t gotta go to werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk,” flipping their hair and seductively sipping their vodka sodas.

It was like:

Step 1. Take Snap video.

Step 2. Review it thoroughly.

Step 3. Re-do video because one girl doesn’t like it.

Step 4. Review video.

Step 5. Post video.

Step 6. Repeat steps 1-5.

There were some just solo Snapping, duck facing from different angles and bobbing her head seductively to the song, as her friends functioned around her. 

What in the living eff? Am I old or does this shit actually bring the boys to the yard now?  

Like I get it, you’re feeling yourself, you like your outfit … you want the world to see how good you look. Cool. Girl, do ya thang. But to spend a majority of the night on your phone in social media land? Yawn. 

There’s life happening while you’re busy face swapping (note to self: put that quote on decorative pillow). There are cute boys to be oogled. Their are hot messes to make fun of. Their are interesting conversations to be had with people. 

Correct, celebrities like Kim Kardashian spend like 98.9% of their day taking selfies and Snapchatting dumb shit in that irritating flower crown. Doing absolutely nothing but showing off their clev and being all, “guys I’m bored :::duck face … oops there’s my clev again:::

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Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It’s basically her just looking all weird and serious as she kind of lip syncs to some rap song. It makes me THOROUGHLY uncomfortable. Like why? 

Why? Because I believe they are getting paid to do this. If someone said to me, “hey Kate, I’m going to throw you a thou to take Snapchat videos of you rocking my new lip color,” I would be like SOLD. I will duck face til the fucking cows come home, bro. 

But most of us, upon contrary belief, are not Kardashians. And we aren’t getting paid to drink at a bar. And if you are, I hate you … a lot. Therefore if you aren’t being paid, maybe put your phones down and stop Snapping whilst out in public. Make eye contact with people. Keep your phone in your purse for a new minutes … GASP (I know, I know, I’m totally addicted to my phone, too, it would be next to impossible, but worth a shot?) Drunk wine night in with the gals? Well Snap your faces off, kids.

I know I sound like a dusty old rag of a woman who is all waving her cane and yelling sentence fragments about technology, but after seeing the Snap clones all transformed into giraffe’s or pumpkins or whatever the hot filter of the day is, I had about enough.

INSTAGRAM FORVER!

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